andebos

Finally Landed

2010-02-02T21:27:00.001-05:00

Alright friends... as of this weekend we have finally settled in here:

tyandleah.wordpress.com

Happy blogging and reading. See you in the blogosphere!

Return of the King, Jedi, Husband . . . how about Blogger

2009-10-11T09:38:00.008-04:00

After a year or more of leave, it is time to announce the return of the blog. However, as you can see from above - the 'I' of this blog has now become a 'we' of this blog. Though the structure is not completely up and running, I invite you to follow our adventures here:

www.tyandleah.com

We're landing here for the moment...

tyandleah.wordpress.com

We hope to be completely up and running by the end of the month so stay posted. Great to be back, friends!

Three Cups and Not a Sip More

2008-08-13T22:49:00.003-04:00

The steady hum of the air conditioner, the slightly tilted slight sway of the window shades, a few lone candles amidst the dark lit night sky of greater Boston and my long and lonesome, untouched blog. "To Tyler - I don't read much. So when I give a book away please read." You my friend will most surely recognize the setting to the left and were once again, right. The book is captivating and is striking chords long dead or until now, untouched. Perhaps we could walk together through the last few months...or take a stroll down random thought lane? A gander at the perplexities of the past, future, or unsolved issues of the cosmos of our lives? Maybe I'll just tell you about a girl (the basis of most movies, songs, and any great plays). If Helen of Troy's face launched a thousand ships than this girl's smile alone lights up the million and more twinkling stars in the night sky! She likewise recommended the Three Cups and it's amazing how two people can share such similar and yet different experiences, live in such proximity and yet be so far, get equally and separately touched and then become drawn together in such a mysterious, artistic, and miraculous way. You begin to wonder if someone elsewhere is pulling the strings...

The night is getting late...therefore, this remains a first post in a long drawn out saga of first posts in a long time. I cannot promise more to come but I can offer you a hope. I'm slowly in the process of creating a new blog and in that attempt you may yet have to wait for more posts. But, be hopeful, for what else do you have?

Reflecting in the Mirror

2008-04-26T18:57:00.005-04:00

"The historical sense involves a perception, not only of the pastness of the past, but of its presence... Whoever has approved this idea of oder... will not find it preposterous that the past should be altered by the present as much as the present is directed by the past." -T.S. Eliot

"It is eighteen hundred years and more since Jesus Christ walked here on earth. But this is not an event like other events which, only when they are bygone, pass over into history, and then as events long bygone, pass over into forgetfulness. No, His presence here on earth never becomes a bygone event, and never becomes more and more bygone - in case faith is to be found on earth. And if not, then indeed at that very instant it is a long, long time since He lived. But so long as there is a believer, such a one must, in order to become such, have been, and as a believer must continue to be, just as contemporary with His presence on earth as were those [first] contemporaries." -Soren Kierkegaard

Look at the stars . . . Some of them have been extinguished for thousands of years, but their light is only reaching us now. The past is always influencing the present. I can't change that. All I can do is try to understand it.

If you were me, would I understand you?

"Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you."

Vengeance

2008-04-17T21:43:00.003-04:00

The end of an espousal...

2008-03-05T22:10:00.000-05:00

Suffering is part of life. All around and within, my eyes see suffering. Poetry of countless ages speak of the griefs and scorns that man is heir to experience upon this earth. These wounds are both temporary and eternal. There will come a time though that we will look upon our wounds and they will no longer hurt. Until that day, the pains of our past, the miseries of our present, and the grief of what lies ahead is ours to bear...but not alone. The sadness comes not in the wounds and the suffering but in the myth that these sufferings are ours alone. This is an awful deceit and one that poisons man to his innermost core. We cannot explain why we must suffer and so we inevitably continue to ask, "Why?" but as Tim Keller says, "It can't be that he doesn't love us." I quote Aeschylus often but I've come to find comfort in these words that assuage my feelings of anger and injustice when I look upon my own pain or the suffering of others, whether they be innocent or whether they be quilty. "In our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God." Words are meaningful, presence is meaningful, and hope utmost is meaningful. "When power narrows the area of a man's heart," says Christofferson, "poetry reminds him of the richness and diversity of his existence. Where power corrupts - poetry cleanses." There is a richness hidden in the human heart that points towards something greater and cleanses him of the suffering and evil. The famous question, "Is everything sad going to come untrue?" The answer is yes and for as much as one suffers, the equalizing glory of all things made new will be exponentially greater in the new creation. I believe this begins with the power of words that only a heart can begin to sense. I've seen it in children most often but the same holds true no matter the heart's age.

As I look back there are wounds that time cannot mend. My heart has deep hurts but that story is mine to share...my suffering indeed is a blessing for others. If only I will look upon it as so. My wounds are very little. My cuts go only skin deep. Yet there are those out there who have wounds and scars that define them now. I feel that pain as much as I can. Truth in that feeling is harsh and it wounds us all. No man is an island. And where one man suffers, the ripples of that suffering will in time wound us all. However, just as one man suffering brings forth a common thread, so one man's suffering can over turn the suffering that is due for all time. For he is meant to suffer all that we are meant to suffer. He will know infinitely more suffering than our eternal suffering could even hint at. For indeed, even as a child thinks his suffering is the worst of all time, he learns in time that his suffering was very little. So we are, in the course of our lives, only children - by the awful Grace of God we shall never know more than a child suffers should we choose to let another take our place.

Where does that leave us...I'm haunted by the words in this video. I realize that suffering can breed more suffering. I realize that suffering can twist a heart into a deformed state of anger, and violence, and hatred. I realize that some wounds will forever make their mark. Yet, I also realize that amidst all this pain is a hope. That a lightness shines in the darkness and the darkness has not understood it. When I first heard these words about wounds that go too deep I fell into despair. However, I realized the glory as time passed. These wounds do take hold, they mark us. The marking though is up for us to decide. We all must decide how we shall be marked, which banner we will have over us, how we will live our lives. And so, as I am marked by wounds that go so deep and have taken hold...wounds that show me children beaten and enslaved, cold blood violence, even the smallest pain of losing a loved one who shares not the same love for me, I am reminded that I am marked. These wounds will forever shape my heart and my destiny. They for all time become my story. That story is one in which I choose how I am shaped - towards anger and a deformed soul or towards brokeness and a hope. A hope that my wounds can touch others. That my wounds will remind me of a hope in which the question, "Is everything sad going to come untrue?" is yes. Wounds that will go so deep that I will forever love others and the one who took suffering so that my suffering will be made good and will in time be but a dim light in the ever passing glory that is to come in the time without end. Perhaps it is indeed a fool's hope. It is my hope. It is your hope. It is our hope. It is our choice.

"They say of some temporal suffering, 'No future bliss can make up for it,' not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory." -C.S. Lewis, The Great Divorce

The life untamed

2008-03-01T21:16:00.004-05:00

Words are an injustice to my friend. How do you begin to use words to describe a life like Emma's? What phrase or term could relate the complexities, sacrifices, and love that surrounds her? Often, when taking pictures I run up against this dilemna. My camera is limited to such a small scope. The shot not only exceeds vastly up, down, left, and right but in terms of color and depth. Senses such as smell and memories or emotions are all lost. Capturing the sacred in a picture is much like capturing my friend in simple words, only those who have been there and know can even begin to relate. Hers is the life untamed. Hers is beyond the box so many of us find ourselves within. Even being around her I began to quickly realize that her passion and ability to live is life giving. The irony is in this life. The same life so many of us admire is the same life we quickly desire to hide, to box, to destroy for a host of reasons. But, Emma, her's is the life untamed. Boxes and ideas do not encompass her and I thank my friend for a day trip to New York. Though she things I went out of my way to see her... I would gladly do it again, and again, and again! I'm thankful that God has blessed my life with knowing a life like hers. Inspiration, unique, stunning - these words begin to show you a snapshot...but the best they can do is help you see through a foggy mirror to the beauty that is beyond. I'll miss you unitl we meet again! We left each other in the snowy rain, you back to your place and me on the bus...though we walked away, alone, you will never be alone. You will always be in my prayers.

"The neons too bright, The world's too fast, The cities at night, And the stores behind glass, The streets in the rain, And the field back home, They're never the same, So now I'm alone."

2008-02-24T16:48:00.002-05:00

"My name is Dalton Russell. Pay strict attention to what I say because I choose my words carefully and I never repeat myself. I've told you my name: that's the Who. The Where could most readily be described as a prison cell. But there's a vast difference between being stuck in a tiny cell and being in prison. The What is easy: recently I planned and set in motion events to execute the perfect bank robbery. That's also the When. As for the Why: beyond the obvious financial motivation, it's exceedingly simple... because I can. Which leaves us only with the How; and therein, as the Bard would tell us, lies the rub. "

Movies are the ultimate story of our day. Movies are the background of my work time as well as a story. Above is a line from one of my favorite Sunday afternoon movies. Clive Owens plays this role brialliantly. Any villain must play a duo character (heroes get off a bit easier in this respect), they must be likeable and detestable both. I love to hate and I love to love this character, how can you not? Because you haven't seen it that's how! Near the end of the movie he makes a profound statement. The character says, "I'm no martyr. I did it for the money. But it's not worth much if you can't face yourself in the mirror. Respect is the ultimate currency. I was stealing from a man who traded his away for a few dollars. And then he tried to wash away his guilt. Drown it in a lifetime of good deeds and a sea of respectability. It almost worked, too. But inevitably, the further you run from your sins, the more exhausted you are when they catch up to you. And they do. Certain. It will not fail." There's a small phrase tucked in there that gives pause, "Respect is the ultimate currency." Sadly, it seems this remains a currency but a hidden one. Many of the students I teach have little account for this currency because it's not openly exchanged. Do you see much respecct when you watch televsion, listen to music, watch your favorite sports star drop dope? Probably not. Neither do my students. However, this lack of exchange doesn't mean it's not the ultimate currency. In fact, it is a currency, one of the most important. You either realize this now or you realize it later - either way, you'll realize it. But, in the lack of respect it's important to remember the currency of the Kingdom is grace, grace ever flowing.

Kuler Designs

2008-02-22T08:16:00.000-05:00

What matters to one doesn't always matter to another. But, this late morning/early afternoon I am continuing to love a website that I fell in love with quite a while ago! I highly recommend Kuler if you're looking for solid, no pun intended, color themes. There's nothing better than having a week off from work to ... sadly get work done ... finish some personal art, listen to quality music, take in some awesome sun, and basically live it up!

p.s. Honda will accept my warranty request - if I wasn't over the mileage by 2,905 miles. "Well, Dang!" Word now from the wise, keep up to date on warranty information. Thank you Honda for hiding that as best you could.

Ideals and Hopes

2008-02-21T17:23:00.004-05:00

"He gives his harness bells a shake to ask if there's some mistake. The only other sound's the sweep of easy wind and downy flake. The woods are lovely, dark and deep, but I have promises to keep, and miles to go before I sleep, and miles to go before I sleep."

The most painstaking part of the product lies in the finale and in the knowledge of what might have been. What strikes the heart is not what the viewer sees but what the artist might have saw. Not the dancing melodies in our ears but the melodies that might have been written. The pain for the artist is not in the final product but in all the possibilities that were sacrificed along the way...the sacrifices that will never be understood or known.

Rarely are we confronted with right or wrong. Rarely do we confront the entire story. Rarely will we know all that might have been should we see it all. And thus, our choices linger not between right and wrong but between best or better and worse or worst. Rarely is there a right and rarely is there a wrong. Therefore wisdom and ideals matter. Confronted with the understanding of limitless possibilities of best and worst for our time, context, people - we must hold true to the best of ideals, the best of human passion, the best of the soft voice inside us unless we have a more sure word from God.

How can one hold fast to the "belief that idealism, high aspiration and deep convictions are not incompatible with the most practical and efficient of programs -- that there is no basic inconsistency between ideals and realistic possibilities -- no separation between the deepest desires of heart and of mind and the rational application of human effort to human problems?"

As an artist it is the process, the endeavor, that is most moving and most difficult. For in that endeavor I am pressed up against the reality that holding fast to passion and ideals takes great courage and sacrifice. We will always be left with what might have been....therefore let us grasp, with wisdom from God, what is best for this time, this context, this people. And let us do this with all of our hearts. Even if we are alone in doing so.

"Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. I shall be telling this with a sigh. Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference."

In time all things breakdown

2008-02-19T18:18:00.002-05:00

We're constantly trying to make things live longer or at least deceive ourselves on the idea of aging. Cosmetics, surgeries, and the list goes on and on and yet most things are created with a definite lifespan. Perhaps things are even created to breakdown and that in integrated into its very life. Maybe we are like that. Yet, everywhere around us things are consistently aging and breaking, being created and born, living and dying. Yet, we fight this both in our physical realities and in our mind. I suppose sometimes its natural to feel this way given our world, but is it healthy?

Last week I looked down to see the check engine light pulsing in my car. Thinking, "Well, dang" I turned around and headed home. As I looked down to shirt I noticed something even more peculiar, suddenly I was no longer limited to the road rules of man! Yes, my speedomter had stopped working and thus no man could claim how fast I was going! Therefore I slammed on the gas and sped around everyone towards home! Okay, well, not really. However, I did think, "Well, dang dang." Later in the week I tried the car one more time, this time at night, this time to discover the entire electrical system was pulsing. This included my headlights which resembled a police officers lights and I thought, "Well dang, dang, dang!"

Today I took my car to the reliable Hondar House. They're so honest there and I love 'em. Turns out it's not that big of a deal. Just a few wires inside a bracket that need replacing for a mere $150. I can cover that. Sure, fix it I said and went on home to await the dreaded call of... "Oh, we also found...x,y,z." Find they did. Turns out I'm looking at an entire exhaust system rooted from a cracked manifold. Terrific! I could drive on that and cross my fingers that I pass inspection. The worse news, appears my master clutch cylinder is shot and my clutch might go out at any moment. "Well, dang, dang, dang, dang!" But, I think Sam and I could fix that ourselves.

All this is way under the worst news yet. Worst news yet you ask. Honda's emissions warrany covers all 96 Civics up to 150k miles to replace all exhaust problems (i.e. my problems) for free. The current mileage on my car? 152k. In July, my mileage was 149k. You can see how often I drive my car. My reaction at finding this out was no longer "Well dang!" Now, it was "Well damn!" or maybe worse. I'm calling Honda tomorrow to beg for mercy and fix all this...in they do, and I can fix the clutch cylinder, my car is in decent shape. If they don't, well, I can get by without much problem to be honest.

The interesting thing here is not a loss of a car but a moving on from the memories. It wasn't until I realized how much I loved this little car (my first real car - thank you parents) and how much we've been through together. Dates, road trips, hours and hours of stress relieving rides, hands through the sun roof, my first stick, memory after memory. My first real experience in aging and realizing that in time, all things age and there is a season for holding on and letting go. I suppose we shall see but soon enough it will be time to let this first car go. Yet, I'll always have the memories.

In truth, this thing breaks and I'm gonna teach myself as much about cars as humanly possible - meaning I'm fixing the thing and worst case, there's a junk yard a mile away and I'll get my $100 bucks. Thank goodness for Zipcar! One right around the corner! Lovin' it.

2008-02-18T12:27:00.005-05:00

"When I think of President Kennedy, I think of what Shakespeare said in Romeo and Juliet...
'When he shall die, Take him and cut him out in little stars, And he shall make the face of heaven so fine That all the world will be in love with night, And pay no worship to the garish sun.'"

When he was finished speaking, he left the hall, sat on a fire escape, and wept.

My students often ask me, "You really admire Robert Kennedy, huh?" My answer usually is simple, "yes, I do." Of course this is generally followed by the traditional early adolescent reply of "why"? I rarely have a problem answering the straight forward question of why...at least when it's asked respectively. If not, you're usually going to get a continued response of "what" or you'll be completely ignored. The question does arise, why? Everyone has heroes they admire from youth. Our house had the Kennedys. Books lined the shelves. Posters on the wall. VHS tapes in the cabinets. Yes, I said VHS - remember those? My mother had a particular interest in the Kennedys and specifically with Jack. Perhaps this same fascination was within me waiting to be released. Or, maybe it at least planted the seeds. Jack Kennedy, while I can both respect and admire the man...there were aspects of which I could never, and can never, fully connect. The younger brother struck me. A man who's spirit was both woundable and from that pain, amiable. We no longer value change in politics or even life. The idea of perfection is lifted up above all others. The idea of grace is a great topic for sermons, books, household conversation...yet, talk is all that it remains. We rarely can forgive those who make mistakes, even if they grow from them. Therefore we settle for what we believe is perfect, another self-deception. I cannot connect with that and I refuse to connect with that belief. I choose to cheer and connect with the man who "...even in [his] sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon [his] heart, and in [his] own despair, against [his] will, comes wisdom to [him] by the awful grace of God. To enter suffering, be affected by it, and grow for the betterment of others is not an easy life....however, it's a life poured out. I cannot connect to that in action but I can connect to it in desire. I long for a heart that is willing to be broken and contrite. Bobby was such a leader. Jack Newfield says it best, "He was not really built for the spotlight, he was built for the wings. He had to fight against a basic shyness, a basic nervousness in public. Many times, I would stand behind the stage and I would see his leg shaking during his speech, or his hands shaking, he wasn't... a natural but that all had to change when his brother was assassinated. And I think change is the motif of his whole life and career." As life has moved on, I now share the same fascination as my mother. A fascination with two brothers long gone...with the lives they lived. The respect comes not from the perfection or lack of perfection - but the respect comes from the ability to change, to grow, to admit faults, and the utmost - to live and serve for others. Perhaps, one day, this can truly be said of all of us.

"He really becomes something much larger than what he was when he began. He becomes stronger through suffering." -Jeff Shesol

The Garish Sun

2008-02-18T12:04:00.005-05:00

"WE are the music-makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams, Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams; World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams: Yet we are the movers and shakers Of the world for ever, it seems." -O'Shaughnessy

As of late my mind seems to fill with thoughts of all kinds. I've found that the value of thinking often only becomes of value when it finds meaning through relationship. As time since college has ever increased I've continually believed that creativity, originality of thinking, reading, conversation have all become stagnant, unavailable, and dim. However, I'm realizing that that is only a half truth. Reading and writing has certainly decreased and with a lack of reading in particular comes a lack of reasoning, of reflection, or thinking. However, these things have not completely left. What is more often gone is the chance to truly converse, even moreso to act.

A few weeks ago my friend Brian and I were able to actually sit and talk for hours it seemed and it was truly a meaningful night. Though our conversation had little in terms of theme or direction, it was nice to just sit and talk. As a child we often sat around the dinner table. I miss those times now with people. Life goes by so quickly that the thought of sharing a meal, or a topic, or a life is replaced by work, tasks, and chores. That night with Brian and nights with others are the times I truly cherish. Brian revealed to me just this opportunity of thinking and conversing through a website called TED. However, he's also tempted me to waste hours listening to these talks. Yet, they're meaningful because they interact with the very thing I miss, creativity and passion. Last night my roommate Matt and I began a design that forces us to interact with one another. Building these kinds of times into my day will hopefully continue to increase meaning. Moreso, I hope my life continues to build upon relationships, discipleship, challenge, and interaction of both mind and heart. Perhaps someday we can together be, once again, the dreamers of dreams and music makers....if only for a time.

2008-02-12T00:11:00.002-05:00

Once upon a time, in a faraway land,
A young Prince lived in a shining castle.
Although he had everything his heart desired,
The Prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.
But then, one winter's night,
An old beggar woman came to the castle
And offered him a single rose In return for shelter from the bitter cold.
Repulsed by her haggard appearance,
The Prince sneered at the gift,
And turned the old woman away.
But she warned him not to be deceived by appearances,
For Beauty is found within.
And when he dismissed her again,
The old woman's ugliness melted away
To reveal a beautiful Enchantress.
The Prince tried to apologize, but it was too late,
For she had seen that there was no love in his heart.
And as punishment,
She transformed him into a hideous beast,
And placed a powerful spell on the castle,
And all who lived there.
Ashamed of his monstrous form,
The beast concealed himself inside his castle,
With a magic mirror as his only window to the outside world.
The Rose she had offered,
Was truly an enchanted rose,
Which would bloom until his twenty first year.
If he could learn to love another,
And earn her love in return
By the time the last petal fell,
Then the spell would be broken.
If not, he would be doomed to remain a beast
For all time.
As the years passed,
He fell into despair, and lost all hope,
For who could ever learn to love...a Beast?

random chances and events

2008-02-09T11:42:00.000-05:00

Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and his fiancee. He was 35 years old. Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part of a hopeless romantic. But, in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-Jungian persona surfaced during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit of his long reputed soul mate, a woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with. Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure. Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager secretly clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. Uh-uh. But rather, its a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan. Asked about the loss of his dear friend, Dean Kansky, the Pulitzer Prize-winning author and executive editor of the New York Times, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. "Things were clearer for him," Kansky noted. Ultimately Jonathan concluded that if we are to live life in harmony with the universe, we must all possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to call "fatum", what we currently refer to as destiny.

Sendoffs and Hellos

2008-01-15T21:50:00.001-05:00

Visors, originally uploaded by andebos.

Last Thursday we sent off our beloved friend, Laura. Before her is a great journey. A journey surrounded by peril and hardship. But, we prayed for her and everything will be grand! Afterwards there was much rejoicing! Actually, she's headed to D.C. for the next semester to continue studying and living among the deaf community as she learns more about interpreting. I told her... should you have trouble, just say this, "Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here to the castle beyond the goblin city. For my will is as strong as your and my kingdom is as great! You have no power over me." Once again, a lie but I watched this movie recenltly and had to throw it in there.

Let's be serious not for a moment shall we? We did pray for Laura. We prayed for courage, wisdom, friendships, and that her presence would glorify God. We also laughed a lot afterwards while enjoying some coffee, ice cream, and cake in Kim's new apartment. One of the topics for discussion was whether to or not to sleep while wearing visors. Though I see nothing wrong with wearing a visor to sleep...I did have to confess that if I was married, I'd probably be a bit taken back if my wife was to wear one often. In the words of Bernie Mac speaking about gloves in bed hits the nail on the head as far as these kinds of things... "You know, I've tried all sorts of moisturizers. I even went fragrance free for a whole year. Now my sister, she uses some kind of uh... uh... uh... uh... aloe vera with a little sunscreen in it, and ideally, we should all wear gloves when going to bed, but I found out that that creates a kind of an interference with my... social agenda, you know what I mean." Wearing a visor to bed, hmm, have to think on that one. Besides, as you can clearly see - I can't see, and that's annoying!

Mary Kay Moves Home

2007-12-04T23:09:00.001-05:00

MKwedding.jpg, originally uploaded by andebos.

Figured one more post jumping back over the last major event I can recall...there have been many more to share but this was one of the few in which I included my camera. Mary Kay and Luke were married the weekend before Thanksgiving in New Jersey. It was without a doubt one of the most unique weddings I've ever experienced. Most of the small details that gave it this unique feeling were nonetheless MK details. From the flower girls/boys handing out tissues instead of petals to the reception video highlighting the all time marriage movie moments - everything was unique and wonderful. Perhaps the most inspiring moment, besides realizing we had forgot the keys to the house where we were staying, this realization happening two hours out of Boston, was Mary Kay's speech in which she thanked her father for the man that he was and remains. His love, character, and guidance gave her the ability to find the qualities she desired in a man, the qualities that ultimately made her fall in love with Luke. Below are a plethora of pictures ranging from the wedding to random MK and friends over the summer.

Of course the first fun event is making it to New York and nothing says NY like eight lanes merging into one to go through the Holland Tunnel around two in the morning.

The trip there wasn't all that bad though...besides passing out at Cracker Barrel from enormous amounts of half cooked food and a few cups of coffee, yes, I drink coffee now, we had time for singing...

and of course just good friendship and relationships!

Once we did arrive at Paul's we more or less immediately crashed. Well, that's not true - us boys began singing Our God is an Awesome God at four in the morning. I mean, really, what better time to bust that song out than on your bed...even if your bed is the floor or couch? Upon waking we ran a bunch of errands before making it to the wedding. P.S. never send a guy to buy you new pantyhose - unless you're okay getting the wrong color!

After the wedding we had a bit more fun before the rehearsal! Oh, if you want to see more shots...they're on facebook - sorry gang, best I could do at the moment.

Sam and Rick - quite the hunters

Sheryl at pre-reception dinner, boring me out of my gourd!

Here's us over the summer...don't worry, it's a constant state for us

If Sheryl's not driving me up the wall than MK is bound to be...

Which tends to anger her husband Luke...but it was a good fight!

Luckily, Sam broke it up by pointing out a shooting star!

...and there was much rejoicing!

...and growing of extra limbs!

Last but not least, hope you enjoyed all the pictures, my dear friends Kim and Laura! Just for fun!

Bell in Mass

2007-12-04T22:14:00.001-05:00

GodsArent, originally uploaded by andebos.

"Part anthropology, part history, part deconstruction - this is new material that Rob hasn't taught before, exploring how humans invented religion to make themselves feel better."

This little into blurb was taken from The God's Aren't Angry tour. There's much one could discuss, criticize, ponder, read, and just literally whatever not only about Rob but about his talks. My friend, Tim, made a very interesting comment last Saturday during breakfast. He said something to the effect of... "it's always dangerous to criticize what one didn't say or do..." that thought has left with me over the past few days a bit. Along with many more. Yet, the thought remains - is it possible to relate an idea or story without telling the whole story? Does one speak harm in doing so? Must everything be tightly woven together into three parts ready for mass marketing and distribution? What if a story was just that...and the teller left something of wonder, mystery, confusion, questioning, or desire in the audience? Would that be alright?

The talk as usual was immensely well crafted. Well crafted both in content and presentation. Though there are many amazing parts of which to speak I'm still just blown away by the thought of God constantly being the provider and truly letting us know where we stand with Him...if we are willing to take it. Moreover, I'm amazed that these stories do not lose heart - their truth, their power holds true today as it ever did then.

Well, it's Tuesday and the week is long and cold. I'm lighting my bedside candle and preparing for chapter two of C.D.'s A Christmas Carol. It's bitterly cold up here these days in comparison to even a week ago. However, I'm glad I'm not my friend Phil who has to bear even worse. Although, as my new friend Dana from Michigan pointed out...being in Boston is unbearable because you walk everyone, forever! I say God bless it - Bring on the snow! Cancel School!

Still Believing

2007-10-29T22:15:00.000-04:00

Last night the Red Sox defeated Colorado in game four of the World Series. It was an interesting experience. Although I sat at a more low key bar with a few friends, the same dynamic was at play through all the people - unity, a shared bond even though our lives had never connected. After the win you could hear people yelling in excitement, others running through the streets, cars and taxis honking! By the time i arrived home I could hear a general uproar from the square a mile from our house. It was amazing to see how people, from all walks of life, become united in belief over the power of when a group of individuals works together for a common goal.

This week in class we're wrapping up a theme discussing cooperation and competition. In celebration of the victory yesterday and our closing unit, we're watching the movie Miracle. A truly incredible story of the power of teamwork and belief. I've added a quote from the movie below that constantly rings in my thoughts...
"Two days later the miracle was made complete. My boys defeated Finland to win the gold medal, coming from behind once again. As I watched them out there, celebrating on the ice, I realized that Patti had been right. It was a lot more than a hockey game, not only for those who watched it, but for those who played in it. I've often been asked in the years since Lake Placid what was the best moment for me. Well, it was here - the sight of 20 young men of such differing backgrounds now standing as one. Young men willing to sacrifice so much of themselves all for an unknown. A few years later, the U.S. began using professional athletes at the Games - Dream Teams. I always found that term ironic because now that we have Dream Teams, we seldom ever get to dream. But on one weekend, as America and the world watched, a group of remarkable young men gave the nation what it needed most - a chance, for one night, not only to dream, but a chance, once again, to believe. " -Herb Brooks

Hope Deferred

2007-10-25T00:20:00.001-04:00

believe, originally uploaded by andebos.

Growing up I was far from a baseball fan. There are many possible reasons for this but I think the bottom line is a lack of having a team in which to believe. Hence my friends and I turned to our royal Chiefs who consistently broke our hearts, and still do, year after year. Although, Matt liked Miami so I guess he doesn't count. Anyway, I still remember the black truck, listening to games on the radio with dad, seeing him throw up balls and catch them behind his back. It's interesting though...even as I sit here knowing baseball runs through the family veins - it's just something my brother and I never picked up or had an overwhelming desire to acquire. Likewise, my father allowed us to puruse our own interests even though baseball was one that carried deep in his heart. Perhaps he hoped it would be baseball but like so many friends, football was our national game and past-time.

Well, things haven't changed beyond belief but there is a team in which to believe in now. As you can see above this was on the window of my friends' door walking down Charles Street this past weekend. Coming back from being down 3 games to 1 we are now playing for the world series. I'm not allowed to call myself a true fan as I moved here after the curse and never endured the long drawn out years of sadness and heartache. Yet, I'm here now, wearing my Papelbon shirt and cap, cheering on with friends late Wednesday night, falling asleep in my chair, eager to see the paper with a win on the front tomorrow. It's a great place to live, a great team to cheer for, a great hope to belong, and a great reason to believe.

Assassins

2007-10-08T23:38:00.001-04:00

james, originally uploaded by andebos.

"You want to be like me, or you want to be me?"

ain't no love in the heart of the city

2007-10-08T23:37:00.001-04:00

american, originally uploaded by andebos.

Sober Lives

2007-09-28T19:53:00.001-04:00

sober, originally uploaded by andebos.

The consistency at which I blog or even communicate with anyone outside of work lately is little to zilch unless you gave birth to me...that's about the only person with whom I connect on a regular basis. This, sadly, includes myself. The other person I've highly connected with lately is a variety of music that seems, whether melodically, lyrically, or a combination of both. One of these being the lyrics from the song 'sober.' The summer was an amazing time as I reflect. Though the entirity doesn't appear to have produced much in terms of experience it revealed some vital values inside my heart. The most important is the idea of rest. Since graduating college there seems this general disappointment with the depth of life for me in terms of language. I recall having in depth conversation after conversation with a variety of people (probably because my life was filled with useless drama most days - created by yours truly). As life has come more face to face with reality the truth is, I'm tired, my friends are tired, the whole world is tired - the result is there isn't space for much else, ourselves, others, God, nothing ... space is gone. This value was revitalized within me this summer and I've finally come to understand, in a more complete way, what recharges my life. Discovering this is still an ongoing journey, but it's exciting. Perhaps we all have different ways of reconnecting to ourselves...my own is through complete and utter solitude - which at points can produce death or life depending on how I use it. For the most part though it produces a lot more life. Solitude is almost more vital for energy, creativity, and my ability to connect in relationship with anyone more than food or rest.

The rub is realizing that there's not a lot of space in lives for that ... this week alone I racked up sixty hours just being in the classroom, that excludes grading, lessons, etc that I'll work on this weekend. It's quite amazing, that's an easy week. Working that much where is the time for space? By the time it's over I'm more or less done. The lives with whom I interact are much the same so it's no wonder we're all drained and walking around half alive. Space and rest are vital and we're all, for the most part, slowly dying long before our time. Whether we want to face this reality, change it, or whatever...it's reality.

So, here's to a melancholy blog huh? These days I'm flashed with all kinds of mysteries of nostalgia as I look out the windows but I'm filled with joy at memories of long ago, people, places, they rush over me and bring a smile. Here's to a weekend and seeing where life leads in the midst of a face that has bloodshot eyes. Perhaps somewhere in this physical and emotional weakness will come strength from the grace of God.

And I don't know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing's real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I've been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I'm still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it's never really over

Journeying through but not alone

2007-09-05T23:24:00.001-04:00

realities, originally uploaded by andebos.

Talking with my mother and my dear friend Sarah tonight, both asked me the same kinds of questions yes I found myself very unable to answer for lack of adequate vocabulary and understanding. Even now there's a desire to let go of all of this, lie in bed, and pray for understanding but I'm finding that part of this journey is the expression of a story. Though it's quite difficult to write everything when time is crunched (school has kicked off so my bedtime is drawing very near) I think at least beginning is important. Let's begin with the hear and now and then slowly jump back in time. Recently, the same conversation seems to originate with numerous people, each typically being from a different background and setting, who are all relating the same kinds of thoughts in very diverse but similar fashions. These thoughts all revolve around the same hunger... a desire to know God and be know by God more intimately and express that passion, that faith, through prayer, worship, just their very lives in a more and more genuine way. However, as I talk with more and more people they seem trapped in one of a variety of pools. They either have this hunger but have not a clue as to where it comes from or where to go with it - others have this hunger but seem unaffected by it, meaning they at least express it but their lives mask that feeling and it's far from a reality except in a subconscious way. This one intriques me quite a bit because it's almost similar to the seeds being sown and the weeds entangling these people's desires as soon as they're able to express them. The third pool that seems apparent is a recognition of the hunger, an ability or inability to express that a hunger, and an unsettling feeling at leaving things be the way they are currently. All this begs the question, where am I and who am I? This is the journey that I'm trying to discover and help others discover and while I haven't always been alone in this...and I'm not alone now, there are times when I feel very alone and long for the community that I once new.

Let's suppose the best place to move now is to hear my story up to a point. In college I existed within a dynamic community of people. Their lives, their hopes, their relationships, their identity was not only the individual but also the community. Lives were not pretty - many had the ugly stains of broken hopes, dreams that had shattered as a result of taking things into their own hands, past scars that were far from their fault but in all this their was a community of love based off of the person Jesus Christ. Living in that environment was dynamic for all of us because out of that fellowship together pointed at Christ came a deep and powerful ministry. It was extremely organic and living life the way it was meant to be lived is just what you did. We worshipped. We prayed. We met. We broke bread. We had relationship with those all around us. There were times I wondered, not to be too Field of Dreamish, if this is what Heaven felt like.

Nearing the end of my time there I witnessed more and more friends, being younger than many friends, leave that community to begin work. Friend after friend I watched fall apart as the powerful community, ministry, life of Christ they had known in college was far from represented in the daily lives of people around them and far from represented from people who they called brothers and sisters. They went from lives very integrated with Christ and one another to lives there were very compartmentalized. It seemed that they now had their work life and their I go to church on sunday life/have social activities with people who also have a I go to church on sunday segmented life. The maddening part was the deep pain and hunger these people felt mixed with a growing and growing sense they expressed of contentment of this reality since they believed or perceived it as the only possibly reality. Expecting this sad fate for myself, and experiencing a bit during my engagement and student teaching, I prepared for the worst and spent time telling others in my college community to know that living in Christ after school may not be the way we were thought it would. It especially saddened me to watch Annie go through very much this same thing in Rochester and I longed to see her rescued from that... and prayed deliverance for myself, hoping that God would find me before I too lost Him to a life that so closely appears to have Him centered in a nice and cozy box.

Much to my surprise I became involved in a community that expressed faith and reality in a way which brought life - I use the term reality because that's what it was and is. In college, life is very much reality but it also isn't. I had no clue what it meant to live my life in an environment that wasn't accepting to expressing my faith in a way that I felt pleased the Lord and made him famous to the world around me. I also was not aware of what it meant to have true responsibility and exist in the world. College protected me from both of those. The amazing part of this is the Lord's blessing to provide a community that not only expressed faith in a way that I felt God was calling me towards but was also on this journey of faith... unlike many of my friends, I wasn't alone. While I've never felt God abandoned any of us, there is a sense, because I've noticed it in myself these last two years, where I see the weight of life and wideness of gates leading to death, that have shrunk heart after heart of people whom I love...leaving me to wonder where is God at times but also seeing Him chase after all of us.

So, tonight, I only express this part of the story because I'm finding myself in relationship after relationship with people who long to worship the Lord and express that faith but only find discouragement and confusion. I keep searching for answers but time and time again I keep hearing the Lord calling me to prayer...I ask you to pray for this city that we could seek the Lord's face and discover what he longs for from us here in this time and place.

Unless and Until...

2007-08-31T10:20:00.000-04:00

But this hunger must be recognized by our religious leaders. Current evangelicalism has (to change the figure) laid the altar and divided the sacrifice into parts, but now seems satisfied to count the stones and rearrange the pieces with never a care that there is not a sign of fire upon the top of lofty Carmel. But God be thanked that there are a few who care. They are those who, while they love the altar and delight in the sacrifice, are yet unable to reconcile themselves to the continued absence of fire. They desire God above all. They are athirst to taste for themselves the “piercing sweetness” of the love of Christ about Whom all the holy prophets did write and the psalmists did sing.

There is today no lack of Bible teachers to set forth correctly the principles of the doctrines of Christ, but too many of these seem satisfied to teach the fundamentals of the faith year after year, strangely unaware that there is in there ministry no manifest Presence, nor anything unusual in their personal lives. They minister constantly to believers who feel within their breasts a longing which their teaching simply does not satisfy.

I trust I speak in charity, but the lack in our pulpits is real. Milton’s terrible sentence applies to our day as accurately as it did to his: “The hungry sheep look up, and are not fed.” It is a solemn thing, and no small scandal in the kingdom, to see God’s children starving while actually seated at the Father’s table. The truth of Wesley’s words is established before our eyes:

Orthodoxy, or right opinion, is, at best, a very slender part of religion. Though right tempers cannot subsist without right opinions, yet right opinions may subsist without right tempers. There may be a right opinion of God without either love or one right temper toward Him. Satan is a proof of this.

Thanks to our splendid Bible societies and to other effective agencies for dissemination of the Word, there are today many millions of people who hold “right opinions,” probably more than ever before in the history of the Church. Yet I wonder if there was ever a time when true spiritual worship was at a lower ebb. To great sections of the Church the art of worship has been lost entirely , and in its place has come that strange and foreign thing called the “program.” This word has been borrowed from the stage and applied with sad wisdom to the type of public service which now passes for worship among us.

Sound Bible exposition is an imperative must in the Church of the Living God. Without it no church can be a New Testament church in any strict meaning of that term. But exposition may be carried on in such a way as to leave the hearers devoid of any true spiritual nourishment whatever. For it is not mere words that nourish the soul, but God Himself, and unless and until the hearers find God in personal experience they are not the better for having heard the truth. The Bible is not an end in itself, but a means to bring men to an intimate and satisfying knowledge of God, that they may enter into Him, that they may delight in His Presence, may taste and know the inner sweetness of the very God Himself in the core and center of their hearts.

A.W. Tozer
Chicago, IL 1948

No Place...well, except for tonight

2007-08-17T22:10:00.001-04:00

Rest my head, originally uploaded by andebos.

Well it may be that the Son of Man has no place to rest his head but that's not the case with my condition tonight...on the contrary, I have a fantastic place to rest my head. Above are two corners of the amazing house in which I'm staying for the next few days. I've taken a rather short trip up to Maine to visit with some family friends and escape life for a bit. My agenda, at least in my brain, is quite full. It consists in seeing the sunrise and set on the ocean, run many of the trails in the area, sit down to some breakfast, whale watch, school work (yeah I know, I know), bit of shopping, mingling with some laid back country folk, and just learning to rest.

It should be an exciting next few days. One of the projects I'm most excited about is completing a series of cards in which the content includes the house in which I'm staying and the surrounding towns for my gracious hosts. Alright well the beach and sunrise are calling early and therefore I must rest my merry head in this merry world called Maine!

Incognito Sempra

2007-08-14T16:58:00.001-04:00

potterpiles, originally uploaded by andebos.

The inconsistent rate that I'm posting these months only consistently matches my inconsistent rate to respond to emails and phone calls. The summer months have flown by and as I reflect back there was a lot of wasted time. Personally, time wasted does not mean doing absolutely nothing...I've come to realize that sometimes these moments of doing nothing are not only the most vital but the most necessary for production. Of course if we want to engage into the discussion about production and consumerism then we could go on for hours....so, let's not. A friend responded that us teachers talk more than anyone about "productivity" especially in regards to our summer months. These next two weeks mark the last few days before beginning a brand new year. In an effort to become more disciplined I've decided to journal much more...some privately, some publicly. It'll be my best effort to post between two to three times a week. Some may only include pictures or a summary of recent events but I'll make an effort whatever the posts. I remember a time back in college where I would recall my experiences to a girlfriend of mine...as my tale of the experience would unfold it would run much like reading a schedule. Her response was typically the same idea, "okay, but what was most important to you?" This always puzzled me and it was a while before realizing my explanation of the days and experiences in my life more or less were only event focused...in time I would learn how to communicate more. Perhaps the same growth can be experienced through here in time.

Over the summer Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows was released. Seeing this release is a mark in history and we are the lucky ones who get to see it all. The ending was very satisfactory for me and the themes and power of the epic is over...but I'm excited to one day share it with others who have yet to read this story, the joys of an educator continue on.

When will the silence of good men end?

2007-07-10T09:23:00.001-04:00

JRFK, originally uploaded by andebos.

"And that what has been going on with the United States over the period of that last three years, the divisions, the violence, the disenchantment with our society, the divisions - whether it's between blacks and whites, between the poor and the more affluent, or between age groups, or in the war in Vietnam - that we can work together. We are a great country, an unselfish country and a compassionate country."

Hello darkness, my old friend,
Ive come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence.

In restless dreams I walked alone
Narrow streets of cobblestone,
neath the halo of a street lamp,
I turned my collar to the cold and damp
When my eyes were stabbed by the flash of
A neon light
That split the night
And touched the sound of silence.

And in the naked light I saw
Ten thousand people, maybe more.
People talking without speaking,
People hearing without listening,
People writing songs that voices never share
And no one dared
Disturb the sound of silence.

Fools said I, you do not know
Silence like a cancer grows.
Hear my words that I might teach you,
Take my arms that I might reach you.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of silence

And the people bowed and prayed
To the neon God they made.
And the sign flashed out its warning,
In the words that it was forming.
And the signs said, the words of the prophets
Are written on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whispered in the sounds of silence.

"We must recognize the full human equality of all our people - before God, before the law, and in the councils of government. We must do this not because it is economically advantageous - although it is; not because the laws of God and man command it - although they do command it; not because people in other lands wish it so. We must do it for the single and fundamental reason that it is the right thing to do."

We're All Mad Here

2007-06-03T14:35:00.001-04:00

catsgrin, originally uploaded by andebos.

"Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?" "That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat. "I don't much care where----" said Alice. "Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat . . . "In that direction," the Cat said, waving its right paw round, "lives a Hatter: and in that direction," waving the other paw, "lives a March Hare. Visit either you like: they're both mad." "But I don't want to go among mad people," Alice remarked. "Oh, you ca'n't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."

A comeback, Joe Montana made comebacks, as did John Elway . . . Kevin Costner is trying with his newest movie though he failed with the previous. Is it possible for Andebos to make an elusive comeback after all these silent weeks? When old friends reunite there are moments where we're tempted to try and explain everything that's been happening in the distance between us. However, you realize that it almost makes the gap wider because you weren't there for all the experiences. Perhaps that's necessary though. Perhaps it's necessary to realize our lives are widening as every new second passes by us. Perhaps we realize that instead of squeezing and trying to look closer, we release and let our eyes blue on the background...only to allow the freedom and joy of focusing upon one thing - not trying to make something that isnt there real.

Perhaps, I will catch you up to an extent if you will only release and let your focus go where it goes. School is wrapping up and I am relieved. There will be some majoy shifts in that area next year and reasonably so - hopefully the shifts will continue to increase for the betterment of all. On the homefront there are little to no girls on the horizon, there are the close and intimate friends but nothing moving forward past that, despite what you might believe or hope. The beach and the summer are fastly calling and my heart is getting wider to a lot of things that I once never knew...all these things are making me wonder and say, what a mad world. We must be mad - or else why, oh why, would we ever reach out to love or try and make a change . . . a ripple . . . in all the chaos that is around us. Perhaps, we are called to reunite the past, to connect the loose strings, and maybe it does begin with hearing the stories and being present. Hopefully I can make myself more present here since the temptation for me at least, is to be present only for myself.... without further awaiting - here is the start of a successful comeback!

Sevens

2007-04-17T19:34:00.001-04:00

Deathly Hollows, originally uploaded by andebos.

Today, the order was placed. How's your order coming? Better hop on it - if you're still reading...you've got a few months left.

Every Penny Of It

2007-04-01T22:39:00.001-04:00

ANDE007, originally uploaded by andebos.

Time begs the question...what have I been up to? Well, after successfully bleeding dry most of my viewers, especially one in particular, it's time to write again. Recently I made a dual purchase of Casino Royale - both the dvd and the original book. Perhaps I should download the screenplay but there wouldn't be much sense in that now would there?

While work and play takes up most of my time the background is filled with the antics and mystery of the world's most famous secret agent. According to a recent survey I most resemble the Daniel Craig character of Bond... possession of realistic sensibilities, imprefect while still getting the job done, and of course - a sexy womanizer. Another survey displayed what one needs to classify themselves to the '00' status, I'm well on my way.
1) You have no fear of death
2) Torture releases nothing from you
3) While you may double-cross your parents...you'll never double cross the organization
4) Your knowledge surprises even the scholars yet your humor makes even the bad girls grin
5) Displays the sociability of a lamb but the loneness of a wolf
6) Highest level of experience with alcohol, gambling, cars and food
7) You can fall in love but you can never love

I'd say at this point I possess four out of the seven; care to quess which ones? Good choice. This is just a short entry getting me back into the swing of things so here's a slighly comprehensive list of what's been happening - emails, taxes, teaching, catching up with old friends, preceeding with much caution, reading, planning, and of course - espionage. Until next time...

Side Stitchers

2007-02-22T17:46:00.000-05:00

Gasoline on the way over to Ashley's, $2.26 a gallon, lasagna for dinner, around five dollars, a bottle of wine, about fifteen dollars, seeing Jill get slapped on the a-- over and over, priceless! There are some things money can buy, for everything else, just watch this. Sorry Jill, this story just had to be shared.

Kokopelli and the Southwest

2007-02-22T00:02:00.001-05:00

kp, originally uploaded by andebos.

Sunny days seem to hurt the most. I wear the pain like a heavy coat. I feel you everywhere I go. I see your smile, I see your face, I hear you laughin' in the rain. I still can't believe you're gone.

During my junior year of college I travelled to Arizona during spring break. I loved and still love the southwest. The heat, the desert, the sunsets, the colors, just everything holds a special place within me for some reason. Now, I live in one of the colder places in the states...go figure. We had a movie night at my house tonight so in preparation I picked up a few "decor" items including placemats and kitchen rug. As I perused through the store a particular theme seemed to pop out over and over again and with each new sight there came a flood of memories. Typically small things, a coffee cup with wrapped hands, blankets, colors, smells, just memories and experiences. As I cleaned the house a Kenny song came on. Now the song is about something totally different then where it took me but the opening lines really struck a chord. Something about the southwestern theme brought back all kinds of memories and more than that, feelings.

Tonight we watched "The American President." In this movie Andrew's wife has died and a thought clearly hit me. Though he is now in a new relationship it's clear that he still loves his wife who has passed, and rightfully so. Why is it that when a couple breaks up it's wrong to go on loving the other person, from a society stand point, but in the case of a death it's acceptable. Perhaps love isn't the question....perhaps it's a moving on. Anyway, not a huge topic of debate lest to say another spark to the fire of the southwest. There's one person who knows all the "symbology" of the southwest, "symbology...I believe the word is symbolism, symbolism" but with all this time I think the southwest has long passed....just like the humor found in that last statement. All symbolism dies I suppose, in time. Or does she still wrap her fingers around the coffee cup the same way?

Matt Damon Resemblances

2007-02-21T23:30:00.000-05:00

I'm playing around with this new videoegg thing and so above is my brother's classic performance of Good Will Hunting.

Band of Brothers

2007-02-21T23:26:00.001-05:00

carider, originally uploaded by andebos.

This past weekend my brother flew into town while enjoying those delicious Midwest cookies. I titled this post "Band of Brothers" because he and I watched the entire mini-series while he was here. Whew, an amazing show. Here's one of my favorite lines from Major Richard D. Winters, "I treasure my remark to a grandson who asked, 'Grandpa, were you a hero in the war?' 'No,' I answered, 'but I served with heroes."

If you aren't moved watching the series then something is seriously wrong with you. Mike and I had done all the "Bostony" things there are to do so we just lounged and relaxed where it was warm, inside on the couch. However, we did get "oot and aboot" a bit while he was here. On Friday night a clan of us went out and managed to rack up a bill over one hundred and fifty dollars with over half being just beer. On Saturday many of us, including the crew above smashed into the backseat, went out dancing. The music was lousy so we called it an early night and the guys rallied around Arrested Development. It was fun having him here and hopefully as life pans out we'll be in the same city soon, whether that be here, there, or elsewhere.

Crews

2007-02-21T09:20:00.001-05:00

birthdaycrew, originally uploaded by andebos.

"A host of friends. I have a host of friends."

Large majorities of the time there's the feeling that life is just being summarized as opposed to analyzed, questioned, evaluated, etc. Not that summaries are all that bad but after a while who wants to read all that? Better yet, who wants to type all that when you already lived it once? Well, here goes another summary because it's early and my brain is only functioning at three quarter speed, which is better than that typical half speed I usually experience. The other night several friends put together a small birthday bash for me. When it comes to birthdays I'm no good...it's not that I don't care but it seems a lot of hoop ra for one person and I'd rather the focus be elsewhere. Yet, it's rude to side step the question over and over too so I ifinally admitted that all I really wanted, was Wendy's, and of course some good friends. And, that's what I got...and it was great! We played some "take two" and I received calls and emails and texts and all sorts saying happy birthday! Sorry I couldn't return them all, if many at all. Sam made me a nice cake as he learned funfetti is actually a name of a cake after playing some silly phone tag with Emily. Basically I hear the story goes something like this, Em texted Sam saying he should make a funfetti cake to which Sam thought she was being silly making up some bizzare type/flavor of cake. He responded with all kinds of made up types of cake names in his text as he walked into the cake department and saw the name "funfetti" and simply said, "huh..."

A good birthday night, whenever you have Wendy's all things are good. Last night I had this bizzaro dream where all my kids were acting totally out of control. They were purposely defiant which is very strange but I've had one or two who are starting to act that way. It's tough to create "independent thinkers" who are also respectful and mindful to their teachers.

February Fourteenth

2007-02-20T22:57:00.001-05:00

valentine, originally uploaded by andebos.

Another Valentine's Day has come and gone. My original plan consisted of taking out two lovely ladies but as one of them has recently begun dating or something to that eventual effect it left the other two of us going, well, another one bites the dust. As the day approached my original night fell through the cracks but fortunately I joined up with several other good friends for a night on the Charlestown shore. My roommate is house sitting for a family and this house is remarkable. Though it is considerably smaller than my parent's house it is more than likely well over a million dollars if not close to two. The whole day consisted of snow, sleet, pouring rain, and freezing temperatures. Therefore, it was nothing but one world of ice all night long. This created some creativity with getting dinner and we ended up with lasagna and burgers...everything a growing boy needs. The night was full of convos about church and life and a lot of laughs about the times of the Purple Palace, aka Purplopolis. A great night full of love, ah, so sentimental!

Colt Victories

2007-02-20T22:17:00.001-05:00

superbowlparty, originally uploaded by andebos.

Several weeks ago we threw a semi-large superbowl back at our place. Now, in the midwest a crew of around fourty people is large but not absolutely massive. In Boston though....fourty is more than pushing it. Even in our fairly large house we were bulging a bit. Luckily we set up numerous televisions and everyone that desired to see the game caught the important moments. Sadly, there was a small lapse in time between one room's tv and the main living room. It's rather difficult to keep from cheering when you see an amazing play, or even mediocre, giving away much of the game. I've decided that the colts and patriots' game was amazing. The superbowl itself...eh. I have also decided that watching a game in mixed company is not as much fun as a one room crowd, especially when people don't know each other well. Yet, everyone seemed to enjoy themselves, the place was a pit afterward, and more beer than humanly possible was in our fridge the next morning, so we had that going for us, which was nice.

Teaching Updated

2007-02-13T21:41:00.000-05:00

"Children are the world's most valuable resource and its best hope for the future."
-John F. Kennedy

A while back, myself and others engaged in the idea or definition of, "what is a professional?" It's funny the issues that were raised especially in light of our American culture, what we value, and how unlikely we are to step into another's shoes. Now, while I say that hear me say that I have people whom I interact with that are the furthest from what you're about to read as can possibly be. On the other hand here's a story from last week.

My friend MK just quit her job. While we discussed her future she said her desire was to go back to school and become a kindergarten teacher. In response another girl said, "Oh that's awesome. It's a perfect job, you color, you play, you basically baby sit all day long." The immediate scowl and white knuckles could be seen through a wall of bricks yet I kept my mouth closed. Here's my thought, whatever it is you're talking about - Take off your damn shoes, set them fully aside, so they're not even in sight, so you can get a right perspective, then, walk over, put on the the other person's shoes and walk around for two full months in them and all those like it before you ever open your mouth or let your tongue hang out.

It's been too long that we walk on the lives and rights of others. We value ourselves far too much and we have illusions far from reality because few of us have ever even talked with others about their life let alone understood the meaning of walking in his or her shoes.

Here's a funny perspective on the lives of many whom I interact with daily. Could only imagine if I got paid for all that "silly planning time" I spend on Saturday morning and Sunday evening so my students enjoy coming to classroom and can grow up becoming emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually healthy people living for more than their own sake.

I, for one, am sick and tired of those high paid teachers. Their hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work nine or ten months a year! It's time we put things in perspective and pay them for what they do... baby-sit! We can get that for less than minimum wage. That's right...I would give them $3.00 an hour and only for the hours they worked, not any of that silly planning time. That would be $15 a day. Each parent should pay $15 a day for these teachers to baby-sit their children. Now, how many do they teach in a day.... maybe 25? Then that's $15 X 25=$375 a day. But remember they only work 180 days a year! I'm not going to pay them for any vacations. Let's see... that's 375x180=$67,500. (Hold on, my calculator must need batteries!) What about those special teachers or the ones with master's degrees? Well, we could pay them minimum wage just to be fair. Let's round it off to $6.00 an hour. That would be $6 X 5 hours X 25 children X 180 days =$135,000.00 per year. Wait a minute, there is something wrong here!!! (There sure is!)

Lyrics of a Lifetime

2007-01-31T22:03:00.000-05:00

Real Genius, originally uploaded by andebos.

This post isn't meant to invoke sadness but the other day I compiled a playlist entitled "Anymore" full of the classic breakup (on the sad side) songs in my library. This by far does not encompass all the songs but here are a few of my favorite "my heart is broken verses," even though mine is far from it, I love February! Birthday Time! Feel free to add any verses to the list that have touched your heart or spoke to your brokeness over the years...Welcome to the approach of Valentine's Day, can't say it enough

I packed my bags the first thing this morning, I packed all my changes in there too, Erased all the numbers and addresses
And all the memories of you

I don't care about you anymore, I don't think about you anymore
I don't call about you anymore, I don't dream about you anymore
Anymore...

No woman, No Cry

Don't you take it so hard now, And please don't take it so bad
I'll still be thinkin' of you, And the times we had...baby
And don't you cry tonight

Yeah in the middle of the night when you're lying alone, and baby you wish I was coming home but I ain't ever coming home you shouldn't have treated me this way . . . didn't you know how much I loved you...
Someday you're gonna think of me

Because of you, I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you, I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you, I am afraid
Because of you . . . Because of you . . .

Dont know how I'm goin' to find her, All I know so far,
She's on the coast of somewhere beautiful,
Runnin' with my heart...

I keep a lookin' for, the slightest sign, that you might miss
what you left behind, I know there's nothing stopping you now,
but I'd settle for a slowdown

Illusions all but faded, Sunlight beams in your hair, Trying me
I'm sorry Mary but it's over ...you took the best out of me...

There goes my old girlfriend, there's another diamond ring. . .
. . .Tell me what it takes to let you go, Tell me how the pain's supposed to go, Tell me how it is that you can sleep in the night
Without thinking you lost everything that was good in your life to the toss of the dice?

I will be free, and I know this pain won't last forever, for it all will be a memory, but alas I love the loss

Wild horses keep draggin' me away . . . And I'll lose more than I'm gonna win someday

Well, I don't wanna live my life, too many sleepless nights
Not mentioning the fights, I'm sorry to say, lady
I'm walking away

Ill just figure everything is cool, Until I hear it from you

Baby you're a lost, baby you're a lost, Baby you're a lost cause

I want my money back and don't forget, And don't forget.

Will i shake this off pretend its all okay, That there someone out there who feels just like me, There is

I can't stop the rain, From falling down on you again
I can't stop the rain, But I will hold you 'til it goes away

One of these days, I won't be afraid of staying with you
I hope and I pray, Waiting to find a way back to you
Cause that's where I'm home

Youll find better love, Strong as it ever was
Deep as the river runs, Warm as the morning sun
Please remember me

And when all is said and done, I'd never count the cost,
It's worth all that's lost, just to see you smile

Columbine, flower blue, tenderly I sing to you.
Columbine, roses are red, heartbreak overflows my head.
Columbine, friend of mine. Peace will come to you in time.

Speed, How fast will it go, Can it get me over her quickly, zero to sixty
Can it outrun her memory...

Cause with you, I'd withstand, All of Hell to hold your hand, I'd give it all, I'd give for us, Give anything,
but I won't give up

So don't go away say what you say but say that you'll stay

These eyes of mine, they don't fool me, Why did he hold you so tenderly? I've got dreams, Dreams to remember

That God blessed the broken road that led me straight to you.

Scar Tissue that I wish you saw . . . With the birds I’ll share this lonely view

You got me stealin your love away, cause you never give it
Peeling the years away, And we cant relive it
I make you laugh, And you make me cry
I believe its time for me to fly!

Oh I, I, I, I, I, I, I, Walked the streets of love, And they are full of tears

Cupid draw back your bow and let your arrow go
Straight to my lover's heart for me

And if I stay lucky then my tongue will stay tied, and I wont betray
The things that I hide...

And it only hurts when I'm breathing, My heart only breaks when it's beating, My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget

The first cut is the deepest...try to love again

I wasn't looking for a lifetime with you, And I never thought it would hurt just to hear "I do" and "I do"
Well I'm on a champagne high, Where will I be when I stop wondering why . . .

You know you're from Kansas City when...

2007-01-31T21:56:00.000-05:00

Kansas City You're My Home, originally uploaded by andebos.

My brother sent me this email and I did a bit of cutting and pasting but it's freakin' hilarious. Anyone who is a KC native can relate to nearly all of these I have no doubt. A few of them almost made me wet my pants they were so funny and sadly, true.

...you make sure people know which state your from
when explaining you're from KC.

... you think Northtowners drive like crazy.

... you whined through the 90's about Marty ball and
now wish he was back so the chiefs could just make the
playoffs.

... you know better than to try and drive through "the
triangle" at rush hour.

... you know Leawood sucks, even if you live there.

...you know what color gunther cunninghams awful
glasses are.

... you've had a skyscraper at Windsteads.

... you remember how awesome Ward Parkway Mall used to
be, and now complain that you have to go to Town
Center

... you've said "but we were in Missouri, so the cops
just let us go"

... you very rarely actually go downtown

... you've stumbled through Westport.

... you can't help but giggle when talking about the
"massive shuttlecocks" in front of the Nelson.

... you have ever defended dick vermeil for being such
a cry baby.

... you've bragged to others how close you live to the
Meth capital of the world, but thank God its still far
away enough to not make you feel white trash.

... you think Johnson County folks are a bit
pretentious (even if you are one).

...you've had Brian Busby come to your school to talk
about Weather.

... you've had a Gates BBQ employee scream at you,
"May I help you?"

... you've gotten in a fight in gradeschool over the
MU/KU allegiance

... you know where the Appleby's house is.

... and George Brett's house.

... you brag you're from the Missouri side.

... you keep the fact that you're from KCK a secret.

... you're driving directions always involve Ward
Parkway or State Line.

... Wyandotte County confuses the hell out of you.

... you think that every year is the year the chiefs
will win it all.

... you remember when the Detonator and the Mamba were
ground-breaking rides.

...you'll only buy a drink at a baseball game if it is
advertised by a man yelling "LEEMONADE LEEMONADE
LEEMONADE"

...you know the royals suck, but you refuse to let any
Cardinals fan forget about the 1985 world series.

... you know that KC has a jazz district down at 18th
and Vine, but you've never been there.

... you can't find a steak worthy of your pallette
outside of KC.

... you know that if you don't get to Suicide Hill by
8 AM, you're gonna get nothing but dirt.

... you know the name Buck O'Neil needs to be in the
Baseball Hall of Fame....NOW.

... you know that Union Station wasn't always so lame.

... you have had some of the best bbq in your life...
at a gas station.

... one of your guilty pleasures is Go Chicken Go,
despite how disgusting it really is.

... you've eaten a meal that was delivered to you by a
model train.

... regardless if you're from the suburban wannabe KC
area, you still tell people from out of town you're
from KC; and that's because it sounds so much worse to
say you're from Shawnee Mission, Leawood, Overland Park, Liberty, Harrisonville, Belton, Blue Springs, Lee's Summit, Mission Hills, Olathe, Odessa, Longview,
Grandview, Raytown, Merriam, Riverside, Kearney, De
Soto, Fairway, Gladstone, Excelsior, Leavenworth,
Ottawa, Prairie Village, Raymore, Bonner Springs
(hahahahaha), Parkville, Tonganoxie, Unity Village,
Westwood, Peculiar, Riverside, Independence,
Smithville, etc. I mean come on, how lame is that?

... you and your friends have been talking about
stealing a 69 South sign for years.

... you still call it Sandstone.

... you've played football on the median of Ward
Parkway.

... you can tell a "Lin Elliot" joke.

... you think Windsteads craps all over Steak and
Shake in Quality and Taste.

... ...you think St. Louis sucks, and HAVE POSTED ALL
THE REASONS WHY.

... you've celebrated the turning on of christmas
lights with about 100,000 other drunk people... every
year.

... you take the back way to Kauffman/Arrowhead by
passing by LC's Barbeque.

... you've drank at Loose Park at night.

.. you know that fireworks sustain Riverside's
economy.

... on nights when you feel like being classy, you
drink Boulevard Wheat with a lemon.

... it can take you up to 45 minutes to get to a
friends house, without traffic.

... you remember Bob "The Hammer" Hamlin.

... one word: Comets.

... you know who the "Nigerian Nightmare" is.

... you set off enough fireworks to blow up China
every year on the fourth of July, even though all the
news stations remind you "they're cracking down this
year."

... you went to Waldo Pizza/Imo's/Uno's before a
dance.

... you know the following numbers: 648-8888 and
321-2277 (and can sing the accompanying songs).

... you spent a full day learning how life works at
Exchange City.

... you remember running through the crown center
fountains as a kid.

... you've stood in line for hours to buy a dual pass
for The Edge of Hell and The Beast and complained
about how bad the Beast sucked afterwards

... you've been to Kaleidoscope (and still want to go
back).

... you like restaurants that "choke thier own
chickens"

... when you read names like Arthur Bryants, Gates,
Jacks Stack, or Oklahoma Joes you begin to salavate.

... you brag that you're not from the Most Dangerous
City in the nation, St. Louis.

... blues and barbeque with picnic tables and fatty
budweiser make the perfect date. (that was a BBs
reference)

...you know your from Kansas City if you think
Gatorade X-Factor was named after Dante Hall

Forever Walking On

2007-01-23T00:10:00.000-05:00

onlooking, originally uploaded by andebos.

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

Dreams, what can one say about dreams? Myself, I'm a dreamer. Most nights I dream. Often, various elements from one dream carry on into another dream. Many times it's the exact same dream with a shift in small, minute, details. On very rare occasions, I recall a dream, ever so slighlty - the details I remember are typically very insignificant but sure enough, years later, that dream actually takes place. I guess you could call that experience deja vu but I rarely have the sensation of experiencing that moment in repeat, rather, it's a feeling of dreaming this moment prior to its experience. This week, my dreams have been filled again and again with experiences I can hardly explain...I seek deeper to discover the truth and purpose of the stories set before my mind's eye each evening. While I seek, the rhythms of a steady fan and the coolness of outwardly frosted walls guide me upon my journey.

Last year several friends gave me a leather bound journal to track my best and worst days from the dialogue within City Slickers, you can look that one up. Anyway, the journal has since become a record of dreams...no not the I want to do this or that - but actual dreams. That being said, I have skipped my dream of last week with the thought of blogging it here. Many of the details, as usual, have already dripped away in my procrastination, but below is what I recall.

Here I am again, this is looking vaguely familiar - a turn leading to what appears a winding road travelling considerably downward. If I pass by the turn there appears nothing but barren land oddly resembling that of a forgotten highway in my youth. Whether by choice or destiny I turn into the winding road...but what's this? A face before me. This face I have not seen since college though her name has hit my ears numerous times and the shadow of her presence in discussions of long ago but mentioned very recently. It is Kate, her neighbor, a foreshadowing? Perhaps just a coincidence. Our cars nearly collide and as we emerge from our doors I view the same Kate smile, hear the same Kate laugh, and feel the same Kate warmth I remember from our short years together. Why am I here? Why is she here? Through a short discussion it is apparent she is merely lost while my business here involves meeting with a team from work. We part ways and I drive on...the images get blurry and now my surroundings are within a raised house in the same city. Pictures line the walls and I now see it, the glimmer of two, no, three rings placed upon the hands. When and whom did the placing? This information is absent and there is sadness in the realization, I was never told. As the house is empty the pieces are put together only through the images upon the wall, holding three of the same people and three of the same rings, two that hold the brightness of the sun and the other flat and metallic covering much of the finger almost like plating or armor. After some time the story has become evidently clear...I was left out but I find myself reasonably understanding and calm. A noise, a movement, they are here...no, he is here. Again, the images get blurry but I recall his face from her recent profile - bizarre, perhaps her new fiance's face is in this dream as her's because they lived together once, that's the only connection I can make. The images blur and I cannot recall our interaction but an overwhelming sense of peace enters my heart, almost a feeling of happiness knowing he is the provider and lover. Another rustle, a noise, a movement, she arrives. Yet, as I behold I come to see it is not her - and as the conversation continues I realize that he is not hers, but rather, he is hers. New emotions set in, feelings of sadness, sorrow of the emptiness she felt all these years, and perhaps a feeling of hope or rememberance to what once was. She now arrives and the dream's blurs continue. At this point things faze out and I recall very little except emotions. Over the next few days the dream would create many feelings within me until reality set back in. For it is my belief that dreams reveal much, but it is does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

If you can understand any of this then you must have ears to hear and a heart ready to listen. To the long lost I offer this, times were good when they were in season and that season will never be upon us again...rather than long for a season that never returns, let us cherish in the memory of a time that shall never die.

The Montana of my youth

2007-01-18T22:21:00.001-05:00

BigBlackfootRiver, originally uploaded by andebos.

I'm quite excited about the mail today because my new book arrived! The wait was rather short since I was easily enticed to go with express delivery. This makes the second "river" book that I'm currently reading, the first being Peace Like A River by Leif Enger...it's amazing, if you're looking for a new read buy it. If you still haven't caught the title of my newest book, and haven't put two and two together to check what I'm reading on the side of this blog...well, then, you don't deserve to know. Bedtime reading here I come!

In our family, there was no clear line between religion and fly fishing. We lived at the junction of great trout rivers in western Montana, and our father was a Presbyterian minister and a fly fisherman who tied his own flies and taught others. He told us about Christ's disciples being fishermen, and we were left to assume, as my brother and I did, that all first-class fishermen on the Sea of Galilee were fly fishermen and that John, the favorite, was a dry-fly fisherman.

It is true that one day a week was given over wholly to religion. On Sunday mornings my brother, Paul, and I went to Sunday school and then to "morning services" to hear our father preach and in the evenings to Christian Endeavor and afterwards to "evening services" to hear our father preach again. In between on Sunday afternoons we had to study The Westminster Shorter Catechism for an hour and then recite before we could walk the hills with him while he unwound between services. But he never asked us more than the first question in the catechism, "What is the chief end of man?" And we answered together so one of us could carry on if the other forgot, "Man's chief end is to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever." This always seemed to satisfy him, as indeed such a beautiful answer should have, and besides he was anxious to be on the hills where he could restore his soul and be filled again to overflowing for the evening sermon. His chief way of recharging himself was to recite to us from the sermon that was coming, enriched here and there with selections from the most successful passages of his morning sermon.Even so, in a typical week of our childhood Paul and I probably received as many hours of instruction in fly fishing as we did in all other spiritual matters.

After my brother and I became good fishermen, we realized that our father was not a great fly caster, but he was accurate and stylish and wore a glove on his casting hand. As he buttoned his glove in preparation to giving us a lesson, he would say, "It is an art that is performed on a four-count rhythm between ten and two o'clock."
As a Scot and a Presbyterian, my father believed that man by nature was a mess and had fallen from an original state of grace. Somehow, I early developed the notion that he had done this by falling from a tree. As for my father, I never knew whether he believed God was a mathematician but he certainly believed God could count and that only by picking up God's rhythms were we able to regain power and beauty. Unlike many Presbyterians, he often used the word "beautiful." After he buttoned his glove, he would hold his rod straight out in front of him, where it trembled with the beating of his heart. Although it was eight and a half feet long, it weighed only four and a half ounces. It was made of split bamboo cane from the far-off Bay of Tonkin. It was wrapped with red and blue silk thread, and the wrappings were carefully spaced to make the delicate rod powerful but not so stiff it could not tremble. Always it was to be called a rod. If someone called it a pole, my father looked at him as a sergeant in the United States Marines would look at a recruit who had just called a rifle a gun.

My brother and I would have preferred to start learning how to fish by going out and catching a few, omitting entirely anything difficult or technical in the way of preparation that would take away from the fun. But it wasn't by way of fun that we were introduced to our father's art. If our father had had his say, nobody who did not know how to fish would be allowed to disgrace a fish by catching him. So you too will have to approach the art Marine and Presbyterian-style, and, if you have never picked up a fly rod before, you will soon find it factually and theologically true that man by nature is a damn mess. The four-and-a-half-ounce thing in silk wrappings that trembles with the underskin motions of the flesh becomes a stick without brains, refusing anything simple that is wanted of it. All that a rod has to do is lift the line, the leader, and the fly off the water, give them a good toss over the head, and then shoot them forward so they will land in the water without a splash in the following order: fly, transparent leader, and then the line—otherwise the fish will see the fly is a fake and be gone. Of course, there are special casts that anyone could predict would be difficult, and they require artistry—casts where the line can't go over the fisherman's head because cliffs or trees are immediately behind, sideways casts to get the fly under overhanging willows, and so on. But what's remarkable about just a straight cast—just picking up a rod with a line on it and tossing the line across the river?
Well, until man is redeemed he will always take a fly rod too far back, just as natural man always overswings with an ax or golf club and loses all his power somewhere in the air: only with a rod it's worse, because the fly often comes so far back it gets caught behind in a bush or rock. When my father said it was an art that ended at two o'clock, he often added, "closer to ten than to two," meaning that the rod should be taken back only slightly farther than overhead (straight overhead being twelve o'clock).

Then, since it is natural for man to try to attain power without recovering grace, he whips the line back and forth making it whistle each way, and sometimes even snapping off the fly from the leader, but the power that was going to transport the little fly across the river somehow gets diverted into building a bird's nest of line, leader, and fly that falls out of the air into the water about ten feet in front of the fisherman. If, though, he pictures the round trip of the line, transparent leader, and fly from the time they leave the water until their return, they are easier to cast. They naturally come off the water heavy line first and in front, and light transparent leader and fly trailing behind. But, as they pass overhead, they have to have a little beat of time so the light, transparent leader and fly can catch up to the heavy line now starting forward and again fall behind it; otherwise, the line starting on its return trip will collide with the leader and fly still on their way up, and the mess will be the bird's nest that splashes into the water ten feet in front of the fisherman.
Almost the moment, however, that the forward order of line, leader, and fly is reestablished, it has to be reversed, because the fly and transparent leader must be ahead of the heavy line when they settle on the water. If what the fish sees is highly visible line, what the fisherman will see are departing black darts, and he might as well start for the next hole. High overhead, then, on the forward cast (at about ten o'clock) the fisherman checks again.

The four-count rhythm, of course, is functional. The one count takes the line, leader, and fly off the water; the two count tosses them seemingly straight into the sky; the three count was my father's way of saying that at the top the leader and fly have to be given a little beat of time to get behind the line as it is starting forward; the four count means put on the power and throw the line into the rod until you reach ten o'clock—then check-cast, let the fly and leader get ahead of the line, and coast to a soft and perfect landing. Power comes not from power everywhere, but from knowing where to put it on. "Remember," as my father kept saying, "it is an art that is performed on a four-count rhythm between ten and two o'clock."
My father was very sure about certain matters pertaining to the universe. To him, all good things—trout as well as eternal salvation—come by grace and grace comes by art and art does not come easy.

So my brother and I learned to cast Presbyterian-style, on a metronome. It was mother's metronome, which father had taken from the top of the piano in town. She would occasionally peer down to the dock from the front porch of the cabin, wondering nervously whether her metronome could float if it had to. When she became so overwrought that she thumped down the dock to reclaim it, my father would clap out the four-count rhythm with his cupped hands.
Eventually, he introduced us to literature on the subject. He tried always to say something stylish as he buttoned the glove on his casting hand. "Izaak Walton," he told us when my brother was thirteen or fourteen, "is not a respectable writer. He was an Episcopalian and a bait fisherman."" Although Paul was three years younger than I was, he was already far ahead of me in anything relating to fishing and it was he who first found a copy of The Compleat Angler and reported back to me, "The bastard doesn't even know how to spell 'complete.' Besides, he has songs to sing to dairymaids." I borrowed his copy, and reported back to him, "Some of those songs are pretty good." He said, "Whoever saw a dairymaid on the Big Blackfoot River? "I would like," he said, "to get him for a day's fishing on the Big Blackfoot—with a bet on the side."

The boy was very angry, and there has never been a doubt in my mind that the boy would have taken the Episcopalian money.
When you are in your teens—maybe throughout your life—being three years older than your brother often makes you feel he is a boy. However, I knew already that he was going to be a master with a rod. He had those extra things besides fine training—genius, luck, and plenty of self-confidence. Even at this age he liked to bet on himself against anybody who would fish with him, including me, his older brother. It was sometimes funny and sometimes not so funny, to see a boy always wanting to bet on himself and almost sure to win. Although I was three years older, I did not yet feel old enough to bet. Betting, I assumed, was for men who wore straw hats on the backs of their heads. So I was confused and embarrassed the first couple of times he asked me if I didn't want "a small bet on the side just to make things interesting." The third time he asked me must have made me angry because he never again spoke to me about money, not even about borrowing a few dollars when he was having real money problems.

We had to be very careful in dealing with each other. I often thought of him as a boy, but I never could treat him that way. He was never "my kid brother." He was a master of an art. He did not want any big brother advice or money or help, and, in the end, I could not help him.

Amazing Grace

2007-01-16T22:45:00.000-05:00

brothers, originally uploaded by andebos.

"Amazing Grace! How sweet the sound, That saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found, Was blind, but now I see."

I share the following with this verse in mind, "Come and listen, all you who fear God; let me tell you what he has done for me." Psalm 66:16
Tonight was a night that forever stays with you. In sleep you remember the songs and echoes of words many years from now. Unfortunately the picture above does not do these men justice, several are even missing, but these men make up the group that helps focus my life. Weekly we interact, share, pray, discuss, together we live. I love these guys and I know I am loved. Tonight, one of my loved brothers shared about the many difficulties within his own heart - a moving experience just in hearing his words...let alone when he fully broke down. Several of us embraced our broken brother and together we sang amazing grace aloud. It's not an experience I'm eager to repeat, it was crushingly realistic, frightfully close, and so hopeless that you're left with nothing but the thought, "God...Lord, please, deliver me." Yet, in the brokeness you see the hands of God lived out through his people and their community. These men may never be spoken on the lips of daily men and women across the globe, but they will forever be etched in the memories and experiences of my heart.

All of my life I've been in hiding wishing there was someone just like you. Now that you're here...now that you've found me, I pray you're the one to pull me through."

Through many dangers, toils, and snares, I have already come. 'Tis Grace hath brought me safe thus far, And Grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promised good to me. His Word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be, As long as life endures.

When we've been there ten thousand years, Bright shining as the sun, We've no less days to sing God's praise, Than when we'd first begun.

Silver Turns to Gold

2007-01-10T21:40:00.000-05:00

clickaroo, originally uploaded by andebos.

The definition of length is recorded as follows, "a degree or extreme to which a course of action is taken..." Well, that seems to define the theme of my viewing tonight. It's hard to complain about my last two nights because I've sat in the same clothes, shorts, k-state sweatshirt, and my winnie the pooh slippers watching movies. Yes, when it comes to a great disctraction blockbuster's two for twenty deal is up there. Yesterday I determined that if I was getting home after six, close to seven, then it was a movie night. Originally all I wanted was You, Me, and Dupree but that quickly escalated to the 2fer20 and now I'm the proud owner of Click as well. Yesterday evening I sat curled up on my futon with the blankets and re-fell in love with Kate Hudson...what can I say? She's a charmer! Tonight, I tried to forget about life and clicked on Click.

Lately I've had trouble sleeping through my nights completely - a million things echo through my mind and neither lists, self-counseling, reading, getting up, cereal, counting spots on the wall, making burping noises with my mouth, or switching the fan on and off for half an hour seems to help....I keep waking up every few hours and have trouble engaging back into my slumber. Anyway, tonight Sam and I agreed we need another vacation after our long vacation just two weeks ago...and watching click just furthered my desire to get away from this life we call "work." I love my kids, I absolutely adore them and couldn't imagine doing anything but being with them each day - but these chains we call "work" has gotten a bit much.

Let's move onto the real reason I'm writing - Click. I had my intriques about this movie and was highly disappointed as the movie began. The first part, as even Adam Sandler suggests there are two parts - I would say it's split into thirds possibly...backtrack with me, the first part begins with your typical Billy Madison / Gilmore feel and Sandler plays the typical same ol' character we always see, very resembling the Anger Management guy. As the movie progresses it changes dramatically, no really, dramatically. Basically Sandler finds himself in possession of a remote that enables him to do all sorts of wild things - one being the ability to fast forward the "less fun, menial, hard, challenging" parts of life...his brain and in essence "him" fast forward but he still lives his life....in that he's almost on auto-pilot and as he comes out of fast forward rarely is happy with the outcome. Sadly, the remote has a built in memory feature to help him fast forward. It begins zooming past his whole life good and bad. As this happens we begin second half, beginning with a very moving Sandler at the realization he missed his father's death - more than that he wrecked he and his father's relationship while zooming forward. His life continues flashing forward and he misses more and more while he watches his family, self, and life fall apart - it was incredibly moving up to the very end where his last gasps of air try and tell his son to live for his family and not his career....

You learn, near the end, that when Sandler begins to realize that he has lost control of his life and the remote is now programming him, life is as much about the moments we'd rather forget as it is the moments we will always remember. You also begin to connect that while we may not possess a remote, we often place ourselves in situations, like overwork, that zoom us past some of the moments, experiences and people we most cherish while we are somewhere we believe is more important. It definitely provoked thought about the choices and people in my life... past, present, and future. To the truest sense there were scenes when I felt the water well up in my eyes. Once you arrive at the second half you'll see, it's worth a view at any rate. Perhaps we should all take some time to look at what we're flashing past in our own lives just to arrive at the "presumed" pot of gold at the end....

Good thing I'm taking off for NH with friends this weekend, I need another break already! "San Dimas High School football rules!" "Knibb High Football Rules!"

"You say you want diamonds on a ring of gold, You say you want your story to remain untold, But all the promises we make, From the cradle to the grave...When all I want is you"

They Made A Desert, And Called It Peace

2007-01-06T12:16:00.000-05:00

Desert, originally uploaded by andebos.

"Among free men, there can be no successful appeal from the ballot to the bullet; and those who take such appeal are sure to lose their cause and pay the costs." -Abraham Lincoln

Perhaps to its detriment, this blog has never had a stated purpose or intent to its content. I often restrain from using it as a political booth, or religious grand stand, or personal opinion box. Rather, if there is any intent, be it subconscious or purposeful, this intent is most likely a celebration of life and timeline of the events I, and others, share in the sphere in which we find ourselves. Today though, I am hard pressed as I see before me a dangerous road that, whether directly or indirectly, shapes the destiny of all of us, even if we are unwilling to acknowledge the changes already set in motion. Lately, in many conversations I have had, the issue of our government's present course of action is mentioned...sadly, I confess to the inadequacy of my citizenship, at my lack of knowledge, even at my lack of interest and sympathy to these events. However, we cannot allow the ill made decisions of our past dictate a continuation of ill decisions in our future. I've tried to think long and hard at this issue of violence, and war, and inevitable suffering. There is suffering in the world, that is clear, whether it is on a large scale, affecting all of mankind, or on the day to day scale affecting only our moods - there is suffering. Deciphering the meaning of this suffering is meaningful, but it is not my intent today, rather I acknowledge that suffering is real, and it is always present. I would focus my intention not on what the meaning of suffering is but that our current suffering is meaningful. On the meaning of suffering I can only offer this, "God, whose law it is that he who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God." Pretending to understand war, or the suffering that accompanies such events is beyond me and in the truest sense, arrogant, foolish, and plain cruel to comment on the effects of those who do suffer. Nonetheless, feeling some sense of suffering I understand and can say that if we are to purposely suffer, I think it is vital, yes even mandatory, to ask the meaning of our suffering. In World War II I believe most men and women would think themselves sufferers, but would also express the need to place themselves upon the pedestal of suffering. Their cause was for a cause bigger than themselves, and while not all the details were immensely clear, they understood the greater good only came through their suffering.

It is my belief that man will suffer but even greater than this that man will choose suffering for in it he understands that only through his own suffering does he lessen the current and future suffering of his fellow man. In this kind of suffering, this giving of oneself for a clear and necessary good, men will judge their own hearts and motivations for entering into suffering, and, my belief, will accept the suffering through the Grace of God, and none of us should think that the suffering is easy, or does not even cause horrid tortures upon the soul. The kind of suffering I see before us does not fit into this category. The kind of suffering I see before us is not one where man can clearly judge the heart. The suffering I see before us is one that is not even clear in meaning. I do believe that in some eternal sense the suffering that is happening will be redeemed for some greater good, but there is suffering that cannot be redeemed... rather the individuals who created the suffering must understand that the burden of suffering they cause will be heavily ladened upon them in their own lives. I fear for this kind of suffering, the kind whose meaning is unclear, for possibly hidden behind this suffering are evils we cannot fathom, and can only so long endure. Man will only so long suffer when the suffering has no greater meaning for our society. That is the suffering I see before us today. I fear for this present course, I fear for the future it brings before us, I fear for the people we ought to become because of it, I fear for the world we pass on after it. "Civilizations come and go. Great powers used to survive at the crest of their wave for several centuries. Now we will be lucky to have several generations where our power can make the difference in helping the world survive. And here we are - throwing our men, our dreams, our power into the [desert], and no one will ever understand why we did it." It is tough for me to believe that one man or woman can change a world which "yields most painfully to change," yet it is said that "many of the world's great movements, of thought and action, have flowed from the work of a single man. A young monk began the Protestant reformation, a young general extended an empire from Macedonia to the borders of the earth, and a young woman reclaimed the territory of France. It was a young Italian explorer who discovered the New World, and the thirty-two-year-old Thomas Jefferson who proclaimed that all men are created equal." Today I am not writing to give solutions to the problem, for I have none and admit I am a man who does not know all the details, for that is part of what makes the suffering meaningless, and so the possible solutions elude me for lack of knowledge and to this day, lack of sympathy, but I urge you to take my stance of saying, no more. The world can no longer endure this motivation of suffering. Violence just breeds more violence and someone must say, no more. For what society can live in a world controlled by fear? What generation can pass on a world where freedom is exhibited through the shrouds of death? I see the confrontation before us and in the end I do see peace, sadly I see peace, for it will be said of the United States, "They made a desert, and called it peace." Whether it happens during this President's role or the next, we as a society must take a new course, for this one, like Vietnam, have failed us at too great a cost. In time we will judge ourselves and the world we pass down to the generations to come - the vision of this future is bright, but we must take control of it now and begin to raise again our ideals, our traditions, and our hopes - it is a delusion to think peace comes from domination, it is my belief that peace can only grow, it cannot be forced, and it is only grown through cooperation, strength, and love. The love that is loyalty, hope, creativity, order, respect for life, encouragement, and support. Only working together can we hope to change our world, which, in time, will affect even our daily lives - even if it does not affect them now. Mr. President, find a way to end this war...if not for our sake, or the sake of the children who suffer, then for the sake of your own heart and the desert you are creating there.

Home For the Holidays

2006-12-27T11:26:00.000-05:00

stone, originally uploaded by andebos.

Even though the thermometer has gotten it's fair share of use these last few days, rising and falling from 96 to 102, it's been a nice time at home. Most of my nights have consisted of lying on the couch or in bed with a few nights out....well, church and one movie. Other than that I've had a few visitors but mostly just have lied on the couch. I'm thankful I'm home though because the idea of sitting in Boston feeling this sick, yuck, being sick feels less awful when you're at home.

I had very high aspirations for my time at home however fate has a sense of humor. Today, waking up with a fever, again, and coughing so much I threw up.....yuck again, speaking of which - what's with the natural movement of putting your hand to your mouth when you throw up? Like you're going to catch it, whatever, all you end up doing is getting it on more stuff. Anyway, after that I've been watching The Family Stone. This movie is so heartbreaking, funny, just awkward! It's one of those movies that you watch and keep watching for some reason you don't really understand. Here's one of my favorite lines, “She doesn’t seem to know or trust herself,” he says, “which means our Everett may not know or trust himself at all.” It's funny when you think of relationships - if the other person really doesn't know themself...it's quite likely that you too, don't know yourself! Well, as I sit and watch the fever come and go, it's movie time. I also begin filling out applications and reading over some books in preparation for some special nights ahead!

Later Gators - Happy Holidays as the new year approaches

The Ghosts

2006-12-24T10:08:00.000-05:00

Much they saw, and far they went, and many homes they visited, but always with a happy end. The Spirit stood beside sick beds, and they were cheerful; on foreign lands, and they were close at home; by struggling men, and they were patient in their greater hope; by poverty, and it was rich. In almshouse, hospital, and jail, in misery's every refuge, where vain man in his little brief authority had not made fast the door and barred the Spirit out, he left his blessing, and taught Scrooge his precepts.

It was a long night, if it were only a night; but Scrooge had his doubts of this, because the Christmas Holidays appeared to be condensed into the space of time they passed together. It was strange, too, that while Scrooge remained unaltered in his outward form, the Ghost grew older, clearly older. Scrooge had observed this change, but never spoke of it, until they left a children's Twelfth Night party, when, looking at the Spirit as they stood together in an open place, he noticed that its hair was grey.

``Are spirits' lives so short?'' asked Scrooge.

``My life upon this globe, is very brief,'' replied the Ghost. ``It ends to-night.''

``To-night!'' cried Scrooge.

``To-night at midnight. Hark! The time is drawing near.''

The chimes were ringing the three quarters past eleven at that moment.

``Forgive me if I am not justified in what I ask,'' said Scrooge, looking intently at the Spirit's robe, ``but I see something strange, and not belonging to yourself, protruding from your skirts. Is it a foot or a claw!''

``It might be a claw, for the flesh there is upon it,'' was the Spirit's sorrowful reply. ``Look here.''

From the foldings of its robe, it brought two children; wretched, abject, frightful, hideous, miserable. They knelt down at its feet, and clung upon the outside of its garment.

``Oh, Man! look here. Look, look, down here!'' exclaimed the Ghost.

They were a boy and girl. Yellow, meagre, ragged, scowling, wolfish; but prostrate, too, in their humility. Where graceful youth should have filled their features out, and touched them with its freshest tints, a stale and shrivelled hand, like that of age, had pinched, and twisted them, and pulled them into shreds. Where angels might have sat enthroned, devils lurked, and glared out menacing. No change, no degradation, no perversion of humanity, in any grade, through all the mysteries of wonderful creation, has monsters half so horrible and dread.

Scrooge started back, appalled. Having them shown to him in this way, he tried to say they were fine children, but the words choked themselves, rather than be parties to a lie of such enormous magnitude.

``Spirit! are they yours?'' Scrooge could say no more.

``They are Man's,'' said the Spirit, looking down upon them. ``And they cling to me, appealing from their fathers. This boy is Ignorance. This girl is Want. Beware them both, and all of their degree, but most of all beware this boy, for on his brow I see that written which is Doom, unless the writing be erased. Deny it!'' cried the Spirit, stretching out its hand towards the city. ``Slander those who tell it ye! Admit it for your factious purposes, and make it worse! And bide the end!''

``Have they no refuge or resource?'' cried Scrooge.

``Are there no prisons?'' said the Spirit, turning on him for the last time with his own words. ``Are there no workhouses?''

The bell struck twelve.

Scrooge looked about him for the Ghost, and saw it not. As the last stroke ceased to vibrate, he remembered the prediction of old Jacob Marley, and lifting up his eyes, beheld a solemn Phantom, draped and hooded, coming, like a mist along the ground, towards him.

One Hundred Point Five

2006-12-22T19:33:00.000-05:00

fever, originally uploaded by andebos.

Well, it's not the biggest one in the world but I shouldn't come home and get a fever! There's just something very basically wrong about that. Guess it's a lazy night for me as the temperature of the room rises and falls until I break! Bah, Humbug!

Christmas On The Rocks

2006-12-22T10:31:00.000-05:00

Scotch, originally uploaded by andebos.

Forever, that's a word that possibly describes how long it's been since I last updated this thing. As you scroll down you'll get the cliffnotes version of the last few weeks in the life of Andebos...it's been so busy that last weekend I slept from 1-5 both Saturday and Sunday afternoon...not by choice, literally laid down and woke up, both days, in the same position I fell asleep in. Being back in KC for a long needed rest is exactly what I've been waiting for the last several weeks, one can go into over drive only so long. Speaking of which, the only reason I am not more sick that I am is due to the Grace of God, because how I survived this long, well beyond me. Let's move on, forgive me for any typos you see - just trying to get caught up to some degree. The last two weeks have been busy but they've also been a blast. Christmas time is one of my favorite holidays - and what says Xmas better than a White Elephant Movie Night in our PJ's in the middle of the week?

After finishing the decorations at our house I threw out an invite for a white elephant night and it was a joy to laugh and be around such fun people....great time. That was Wednesday night, Thursday night I headed to our school christmas dinner, which was much better than last year, then on Friday went out with colleagues to see the Urban Nutcracker! There are people in this world, who can do things with their body that I can't even imagine trying. That night we caught up with Cari and a large crew to celebrate her success in singing with the pops. Saturday was the big night at the Purplopolis had their Christmas party. The night before I had this keen idea that Sam, Rick, and I should order a glass of scotch - but it was way too expensive. Continuing on that idea I bought us a small bottle of Scotch. We split it and milked it down most of the night. By the end of the glass I had the biggest headache - which isn't very fair. Definitely an acquired taste so perhaps I'll kick down some more in the future, but if I get a headache like that again, count scotch out forever! The party was kicking and I also found out our good friend Jill is moving back to Boston, happy days!

Now I'm in KC and relaxing at Christmas approaches....thank the Good Lord!

Trips Down South

2006-12-22T10:13:00.000-05:00

CastingShot, originally uploaded by andebos.

A few us planned a semi-spontaneous trip to New York the second weekend of December. Our friend rents a place in Jersey City which overlooks the city from across the river, absolutely amazing view. We hightailed it after work and made it there in fairly decent time. Instead of headed right to the apartment we decided to hit up one of New York's squares and see the sights and lights.

After walking around for a time we went home and caught some late night rest only to arise again and hit the city all day long. Our adventure was full of great times and there's nothing like spending great trips with great friends, who these are some of my best. A few of the highlights included Rockefeller Center, Rice to Riches, Carnegie Diner, and just allowing ourselves to delight in randomness. Oh, if you ever get to eat at Carnegie Diner - be warned, the portions are beyond huge.

We returned on Sunday, absolutely exhausted, after hearing Tim Keller preach a bit. I loved the trip and it just reinforces my desire to live in Boston - which felt like Kirksville after spending the weekend in NYC. Oh, my favorite pictures from the weekend are Puffy and Rocky and of course this sweet underground Apple Store.

Emily's Birthday and My View On Sushi

2006-12-22T10:04:00.000-05:00

EmilyBday, originally uploaded by andebos.

Shortly after arriving back from Thanksgiving I received a random text from Emily's roommate informing me of a little surprise get together for Emily's Bday! We all rendezvoused at Ma Soba for some sushi and other delights. Okay, the surprise semi worked but a lot of people showed up late which complicated the whole element of surprise. Nonetheless Emily enjoyed a night full of friends that care about her. Many friends ordered sushi...growing up I was allergic to nearly everything under the sun including corn syrup, any idea how many things have corn syrup in them? Therefore, I grew up eating things fairly home grown and plain Jane. I guess I always thought I wasn't picky....and I still don't feel like I'm picky just because I'm not a big fan of sea food or oriental cuisines. I've tried sushi time and time again but each time I have the same reaction, eh, rather have a burger. Call me a selfish american but a burger and fries sounds good any ole time - Wendy's here I come, don't wait up!

Thanksgiving Treats

2006-12-22T09:44:00.000-05:00

firefighter, originally uploaded by andebos.

This is the last in my latest series of posts and the most difficult to write, not due to any emotional stress but because it was so freakin' long ago! Here's the gist of Thanksgiving: I travelled on home, leaving straight from work and hanging out at the airport from one to around seven. On this note, Kendra and I realized that people fall into two categories, they either like being at the airport early or arriving whenever. Myself, I enjoy just being there and sleeping, reading, playing on the laptop....whatever! Interesting enough I saw several people leaving to KC that I saw going back to Boston at the end of the trip, one being this girl that is straight out of a "Pretty Woman" tale, probably one of the most attractive people I've ever laid eyes on...but you know me, "Too shy to ask." Moving on, the weekend at home consisted of running in Parkville's Turkey Trot for a longer time than I desired - oh well, many more races to go....next time I'll train. My goal was to beat a seven minute mile but I was about 30 seconds over that. Thanksgiving at our place, later that night me and the fellas got together to watch Green Street Hooligans in my parent's extravagant back yard, primarily at the fire pit. My last night in town I met Searcy's new wife, who is an amazing woman - rather spunky too. Then, I travelled back to Boston to kick things in high gear as we approached December 25th.

Veritaserum

2006-11-20T23:47:00.000-05:00

Phoenix, originally uploaded by andebos.

On July thirteenth two thousand seven The Dark Lord rises and the Order of the Phoenix returns to oppose him. Dumbledore's Army shall begin.

"You won't last two seconds if he invades your mind..."

Palace Meets Opolis

2006-11-12T21:06:00.000-05:00

Palace Meets Opolis, originally uploaded by andebos.

The sixth stop along the Boston Bar Tour was a quaint place named Solas on Boylston. Bowman and I had been there before to discuss Mountatins Beyond Mountains last spring. This stop was especially unique as our old friend Brooks was in town for the weekend. Spending time with Brooks is always a fun time and it's sad to see her return to the barren waste land of the Springs....

The highlight of the evening came at the very end. Several of us are walking and we eventually came to where our paths split. At this point Brooks took the opportunity to tell us how blessed she had been by our friendships during certain seasons of her life, especially Sam as he and her had lunch frequently to discuss life. As Brooks is hitting the very sentimental, heart touching point in her talk, saying how we were always there for her no matter what - and would drop everything to be there, Sheryl notices the crosswalk is now signaling walk and says, "oh, let's go" and proceeds to leave and start crossing, leaving the remainder of us dumb struck and staring with mouths wide open....apparently she thought we were all headed that way and could continue the conversation as we stroll, the sentimentalism and "I'll always be there for you" was no doubt broken by uproars of laughter as we're there for one another, at least until the sign says we can leave - good times as ever with Mrs. B. Anderson!

The Departing Sarah

2006-11-11T09:46:00.000-05:00

The Faithful Departed, originally uploaded by andebos.

Sneaking into movies has never quite been my thing and last night would prove no otherwise. My good friend Sarah is enjoying her last few nights before leaving Boston, possibly for good, and returning to the west coast. Thursday night was her "farewell and goodbye" party, Friday morning she joined the boys for breakfast downtown, and last night her and I travelled out to the burbs of Somerville to watch The Departed. We faced a dilemna when we realized Stranger Than Fiction was also opening....our solution was solved with the perfect schedule of show times, as our movie got out we would depart and sneakily enter the next movie with the line awaiting to go inside. If you've seen The Departed then you understand why we had little desire to see another movie immediately afterwards, especially if you're a Bostonian. The movie, portraying aspects of Whitey Bulger and fellow crime associates, was packed with intensity right to the last minute. The score was excellent, the twists and turns, characters, acting, analogies, references, everything was well done and it's the first movie where Leo impressed me. A worthwhile movie to view with my friend as she "faithfully departs," but not to purgatory, unless you consider that to be Seattle, then maybe. I'll miss Sarah as she is one of those once in a lifetime, one of a kind, girls and friend. Nonetheless, I do believe she will return after she finishes what lies ahead of her.

"Now I got that feeling once again. I cant explain, you would not understand. This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb."

City Parking

2006-11-11T08:14:00.000-05:00

Tickets, originally uploaded by andebos.

Parking in this city is always something else. At breakfast Sam received this ticket due to an error figuring out what the three to four signs actually meant and whether we were actually parked in a legitimate spot. Oh, and the "illegal parking for two hours in the morning loading zone" as it was, proved wide enough for roughly two inches in the front and four in the back. Nonetheless, I guess it still serves as a loading zone and that's what you see, we're splitting a fifty five dollar ticket. Boston, you're my home!

Sister Hazel

2006-11-04T00:03:00.000-05:00

hazelnut, originally uploaded by andebos.

Saturday, One Week, November, Harper's Ferry, The Eleventh
Videos on the blog have never quite impressed me, mostly due to their apparent lack of quality. However, this particular video is extremely difficult to find...I doubt many have ever seen it since it's so rare. It is, my favorite music video for it's rarity and deep artistic and emotional expression. Without further ado, the very one, Sister Hazel and Champagne High...
(The video itself takes a few seconds to load so keep the faith, it'll show. If you get an error message when loading the blog page, just refresh until the error does not appear and it should work swell)

Champagne High Video - Sister Hazel lyrics

Sister Hazel Music Video Codes

Music Video Codes by VideoCure

The Halloween Voyage

2006-10-29T15:48:00.000-05:00

CLub469, originally uploaded by andebos.

Last night I enjoyed a great time and learned a valuable lesson. Some buddies hosted a Halloween party in the apartment. How they managed to fit over 100 some people in a little fifteen by fifteen room I have no clue...but it happened. The place was packed, hot, and loud, but fun. The theme was a nautical voyage and I decided to go as clark kent...and a sad presentation at that, if you ask me. My brilliant last minute idea, right before Clark, (since I didn't have time to get anything this year) was to go as a "Little Black Rain Cloud" from Winnie the Pooh. Perhaps you've seen that old cartoon. Pooh wants to get some honey from a bees nest and decides to paint himself black and float up to the nest using the help of a balloon. Chrisopher Robin asks him what he is and he responds, "Well I'm a little black rain cloud of course." I was going to be a little black rain cloud and when someone asked I'd say, "well I'm a little black rain cloud of course" and they'd either get it or they wouldn't. Sadly, my roommates shot that idea down miserably but everyone at the party knew exactly what I was talking about...don't let peer pressure steer you away from your dreams. If you want to be a cloud - be a cloud!! Here are some random pictures of various people. My favorite costume were two friends of mine who went as Wilson and Tom Hanks. That was hilarious. Here are a few other pictures.

The lesson I learned was an interesting one. There was one person there who had a bit too much to drink, and I'll be honest that my few interactions with her have continually decreased my level of respect for her. Several things happened last night with her and luckily it all turned out okay. My ride stayed around at the party fairly late and therefore, so did I. Before leaving, with only a few people left, this girl showed up in an incoherent drunken state. Now, let's jump back to earler in the night. After a small incident with this girl, someone asking me what was going on - I explained and spoke very negatively in my opinion of her. Later though, when she returned to the party, something happened in my heart, I saw her in a completely new light, I saw her in love. I realized that somewhere in my life I thought her brokeness was uglier than my own, that her falleness was somehow different and further. That is not the case, finally for once, I saw myself in her, I saw Christ in me, and I saw Christ in her...it was then that I understood my role in her life is one of love and prayer. We are not defined by our choices. We are defined by Christ and his love in our life. Her brokeness is no different than the brokeness in my own life. What she needs from me, and what I'm called to do in her life, is love her. Only through that love will we begin to become complete and truly begin to receive redemption and have our lives become a blessing to others around us. I pray for her healing and I pray for us that we see ourselves as one body, all hurting, and all needing the redemptive power of Christ, against such, there is no law.

Four Hours Thirty Minutes

2006-10-29T15:22:00.000-05:00

MarathonCrew, originally uploaded by andebos.

Running Chicago was a blast! Hearing onlookers shouting my name, the sights of the city, the ever present voices in my mind saying, "keep going, keep going." As strange as it may seem, the last three or four miles (which were my wall, though I don't know if I felt a "wall") I ran through the entire Superman script in my head from nearly start to finish. Seemed to keep my mind occupied enough that the pain and realities of the race were distant to the point that I just enjoyed running. I finished, thanks to our amazing pace group leader Jerry, who carried a huge sign the whole race, right at four hours and twenty eight minutes. I was pleased with my time considering it was the first marathon. After the race we all re-connected and it took us about thirty minutes it seemed to walk the ten blocks or so back to the hotel, as we moved at turtle speed. That night we hit the cheesecake factory and chuckled as everyone all around the city had a slight limp or slowness about their movement. There's a sense of community knowing you all did something together. It was just a great experience overall and one I think I might have caught a disease for...we shall see with time. I was going to run yesterday but with the disgusting monsoon, decided to pass. Today we have winds strong enough to shake the entire house, and when I say shake, I mean shake. Thanks for everyone's prayers with the training and actual race. I felt a great sense of accomplishment and am eager to begin speeding up my running. Here's to Chicago! Don't ask me what these clowns are wearing - they're still delirious from the run it appears. I mean, you didn't see me wearing anything weird in the pictures do you? Like a zebra striped bathrobe, I mean, why would I be wearing something like that? Luckily I was the one with taking the pictures!

RunChi

2006-10-21T19:35:00.000-04:00

RunChi, originally uploaded by andebos.

Well we safely arrived last night in Chicago after a two hour delay and long ride from O'Hare. Today we hit the check-in and marathon expo...I purchased a few items, carb loaded, water loaded, the whole shazam. Currently, it's nearing eight and we're exhausted, even though we've done very little today. Getting a bit nervous and they're calling for snow tomorrow, guess we'll wait and see. Tonight we rest and tomorrow we run! Looking forward to telling you more after 26.2 miles. By the way, we're staying at a fairly sweet pad that you can see below...been a great experience thus far and I love mingling in the running culture every chance I get, even met a few people from back home!

Words Into The Past

2006-10-16T00:40:00.000-04:00

memoirs, originally uploaded by andebos.

Tonight was an interesting night and as I have a million and one things going on this week...yet, with all these things, I find myself needing to write three very important letters. The first, second, and third person all share a unique characteristic - they are all me. The first, a letter to a man upon his twentieth year of life, the second to a man in his fiftieth year, and the last is from a man at fifty to a man at twenty five.

First Boston Train Ride

2006-10-09T21:06:00.000-04:00

Beege and Ty, originally uploaded by andebos.

Beege came to visit over this Columbus day weekend. It's amazing that I'm only now getting around to blogging about it. In my defense, if I had to compare the last few weeks to something, I imagine they've been similar to the kind of time-stress Noah felt loading the ark. Perhaps that's a bit of an exaggeration, but you get the gist. Well, like I said, several weeks ago Beege came up to visit. She thoroughly enjoyed flying on Midwest with their on-flight baked cookies, highly recommend that airline! She arrived late Friday night and we soon discoverd that we had already misplanned. She purposely stayed awake on the flight figuring I'd be too tired to do anything. I, on the other hand, took a nap since I figured I'd need the energy with her arriving at such a late hour. Alright, let's be honest here, I didn't think a thing about my "tired level" for her arrival, I was tired so I napped. After meeting the roommates we hopped off to bed in preparation for a big weekend. We awoke, well I awoke, Saturday fairly early and waited around for her to crawl out of her bed and start moving around. After that didn't seem to happen I finally started playing music in the room to get her up and rolling. It wasn't reallly that late but it was fun giving sleepy head a hard time. We toured B-town and saw the sights but Beege was more interested in experiencing the city than seeing a bunch of landmarks. I totally agree with this idea because it makes trips much more entertaining. Therefore we just ran around and did this and that. Later on we caught up with some friends for a small birthday bash!

Afterwards we headed back to a friends place for the cake and ice cream that naturally follow birthday festivities.

That night lasted fairly late and we had discussed waking early the next day to climb Mt. Manodnock in New Hampshire the next day. Therefore we went home and crashed. Waking fairly late again we fixed some breakfast, talked with Mike and Kendra about borrowing a tent and seeing if they cared to join us. Unfortunately Mike was getting sick and Beege and I soloed it to the mountain in the early afternoon. We began climbing around five and reached the mountain right at sunset. I created a link at the bottom with all those pictures, the view and climb were gorgeous, but fairly difficult. I daresay that with a decent pack on your back, it would be incredibly difficult. We descended in the dark, hard hard hard, but fun. Arrived safely, grabbed some food and began our fire and then hit the sack. The next morning, on the way out, the place was packed, it seemed everyone and their mother wanted to climb the mountain on Monday. We stopped to see some scarecrows and the locals.

Our last little event was catching up with Bowman for lunchand then taking BJ to a sad departure at the airport. I always get fairly homesick when visitors leave and the last thing I feel like doing is returning to work. But, as always we get back into the grind and life goes on. Having Beege here was a great time. It felt like bringing an exremely strong part of home and placing it here in Boston with me. We of course had the joy of explaining to everyone that just because we're close doesn't mean there is a potential relationship there, some understood and others did not, as is the usual. All in all I was thrilled to have her here - everyone that met her loved her immediately and it was just good to have such a close friend so close in my life again. It made me realize that since meeting in high school, this is the first time in close to ten years that her and I aren't in each others daily lives. We're fortunate enough to have shared such great experiences and proximity for all this time and I cherish her friendship like none other. To me, she's the friend that sticks closer than a sister. Thanks for coming Old Friend! I look forward to seeing you again in a few weeks!...you can find and view our pictures Right Here!

Tonight, Destiny Continues

2006-09-28T16:17:00.000-04:00

return, originally uploaded by andebos.

What's Going On In Mass?

2006-09-25T21:49:00.000-04:00

twenty eight, originally uploaded by andebos.

What's going on in Mass? Freaking hilarious stories, that's what! The other night my friend Bowman turned the whopping 28 years old! You know what annoys me about this guy...he notices things in me, not a little while before I might, but he recognizes emotions in me before I even know they exist....long story, anyway. Last week I took the fourth graders on an overnight in the Berkshires. Out there we camped at a YMCA camp, it reminded me of scout camp watered down to the extreme. But, the facilities were amazing and the program was just right for us and our nine year olds. While out there we did some rock climbing, team building, camp firin' and low ropes coursin.' We returned to Boston late Friday afternoon where I received a text from Bowman to meet up at Border Cafe in Harvard Square. Not entirely sure why...as I had forgotten his birthday, "ugh, idiot!" I ventured out to meet at seven. Sure I would be late, I arrived first. This place is always nuts on the weekend, easily an hour wait. The other tricky part is that you cannot even put your name in this list unless everyone in your party is present, yikes, little intense huh? Well, I had the brilliant of idea of putting our name in even though not everyone had arrived, seemed like a good idea considering most groups our size were waiting for about an hour. Therefore, I went inside, put our name on the list, lied that everyone was there, and came back out to the four of us there so far....here comes the oops. As soon as I got outside our buzzer rang. I figured it was a mistake, it wasn't - so now we were stuck in a tight spot of being two people short, great. But, we didn't want to tell them no and go to the bottom of the list again so here's where the story gets more interesting. Tyler does some sweet talking and manages to get this random couple to sit with us while they waited for their table. Seemed like a good idea, we all go in, they get up and go sit down when their spot opens up, we say they're in the bathroom until our other two friends show up in a few minutes, no big deal. Except, they seat us right by the door where all the waitresses, managers, and everyone is hanging about - oops again. Eventually this crew had to leave and we were stuck with two empty seats, naturally getting asked, "where are these two?" as this place is nazi central in terms of full seats! Well, more lying as we're all squirming in our chairs. Unfortunately, one friend didn't arrive for another 45min and as far as the waitress knew, he was in the bathroom (doubt she believed that). The best part of the night was the ugly looks we received as our original group had obviously been replaced with two people - oh well. By the end of the night though, the waitresses loved us, the managers were helpful - all because of my friends birthday. I had snuck out, pretending to be on the phone with a "girl" and ran across the street to have a cake delivered, made arrangements with the manager and maitre d to have bday songs sung, and the whole plan pulled off without a single problem! It was beautiful! All in all, a great story now! Other than that, I love my new place, my new sanctuary / cave - this place needs some decor and a touch here and there, but it's so comfortable and in a great location. Things they are a going great and I'll keep you informed best I can - life is busy with the first weeks of teaching but my class is a great group of kiddos and I love em'

"It's my life and its sure fun, Another season of my lifes begun, Another race I'm glad I get to run, Another chapter of my life I'm writin. No, I'm never gonna feel like this again, Times rushin by me like the wind, Got to grab each moment that I can, Cause I'm never gonna feel like this again"

A happy place

2006-09-25T21:27:00.000-04:00

happy place, originally uploaded by andebos.

Finding a happy place, ah yes...perhaps a wise idea if you're a starfish! As for me, I announced the answer to this ever present question. As for the joy and happiness bit - I didn't want to post a response but I found it happening, and a weak answer at that. I encourage you to read it, if you care, and that part is below. As for my answer - yes, I am happy. My life has been marked with a clear sense of good times, medium times, and hard times. Oddly enough, it's almost the hard times where I am most thankful. I am thankful for those times because that is when I felt most alive, the most growth, the furthest from me. At this point in my life, I would say it's an easy and good time. I am surrounded by life changing people, new experiences that test me each day, and in a great place of life that I feel is helping me become someone I want to become. As I look at if I'm happy, the very basic answer is, yes. There are many reasons I could say yes but I think it's mostly the bizzare changes I'm seeing in my heart day to day. I've been spending some good time reflecting over the history of my life, both personally in solitude and with a professional (which I know some of you did not know). This time is incredibly helpful for me....there are difficult and ugly times in my life - these experience produced some painful emotions for me...strangely, this is nothing to grieve over, for in this difficulty, light is sheding upon my life that I never knew was there. The funny thing about God is that instead of presenting new realities to us...typically, he removes the stain from our eyes to show us grace and realities that were always there. Now, my friends, as I am realizing the light that has ever presently shone over my life...my prayer for you - as you move through your life, is that you, too, can see what has been in front of you all along. Am I happy, in everything that has happened? I would say, my life is incredible, and whether the experiences have made me cry or laugh, as I look back, all I can do is smile. You can take that for joy, happiness, whatever word you want to take - know that I look back, here and now, and forward, and I smile! I imagine that my new smile will be there till the end of my days. I pray for you, a smile.

"Just to see you smile, I'd do anything, that you wanted me to, when all is said and done, I'd never count the cost, it's worth all that's lost, just to see you smile."

Several weeks ago I posed the simple question, "Are you happy?" I received many honest answers to this question and many responses to the appropriateness of the question itself. I claimed that if at least ten individuals responded to the question then I too would respond...well, here I am. As far as the whole joy versus happiness bit - I don't really feel like attacking that whole deal lest to say that it annoys me about as much as any other christian annoyances I hear. Knowing that was sure to come is half the reason I wrote the question. I suppose the reason it bugs me is the backwardness of thinking - many times we are led to believe, or at least we express this in our speaking ,which means that it's somewhere in our thinking, that we are to pursue joy. I imagine that in asking the question, "Are you happy?" you took it from the stance of pursuit rather than reflection. It truly annoys me because it hides our true selves from one another...I don't know how many times I've heard this phrase from someone I know is struggling...here's the convo: I'm sorry about what happened, are you okay? I'm hurting but I'm joyful!" or "I'm not happy but I'm joyful!" Right at the moment when you're about to actually engage your heart, struggle with the realities creating those emotions, you blast it with that christian joy cliche. My friends, I heard over and over that phrase "pursue joy"..."the fruits of the spirit are joy" - you don't pursue the fruit to make fruit, it naturally occurs out of a life that is rooted. I guess I too used to sit back and say the joy line. I think the best aspect of joy is that it rightly reflects the feelings in our life born from the circumstances in our life - the suffering, the good, the relationships...etc, these feelings aren't bad. We aren't robots made to ignore them, rather we are to cherish them as they make us human. In doing so we begin to understand ourself and come to a point where we begin to see the slow movings of God within our hearts. Yes, I embrace joy and want to feel it, but it's not something I pursue or try and create, rather I allow it to be grown into me through life. I also use it, along with other feelings, to reflect on my life. As for the question, are you happy? Well, I feel that question is, in essence, not asking you to pursue happiness, but simply that - look at your life, what are your feelings about it? These feelings will help you understand what's happening - and they're not always correct, sometimes they need challenging. Anyway, I have more thoughts but that's my bit on happiness, and thus, I will continue to ask the question, are you happy, in that I will continue to look at the fruit created in my life.

There is no conflict

2006-09-19T20:40:00.000-04:00

There is no conflict, originally uploaded by andebos.

Interrogatory

2006-09-09T10:53:00.000-04:00

question, originally uploaded by andebos.

A question, a question is what I have for...you. I'm currently working on arranging the room to achieve a level of highest work performance. While I work, I watch...I watch Dawon's Creek. Now, a reoccuring question arises throughout the entire series but comes apparent in the sixth season. Here's my deal, faithful blog readers, those that make comments and those who do not - those who I know read and those I do not. This is a simple question, very simple, but can bring about very profound and insightful answers. At least, the people on the show give these kinds of answers...as they're blatantly honest. But the deal is this, if I get at least ten good responses in the form of comments - I will post my answer to the question. For those of you fearful of your answer being posted...well, write it, and at the end tell me to delete it and I will before it's ever posted. Let the answers begin...and we'll see if you get mine. Here's the question:

Are you happy?

Stand your ground and fight

2006-09-02T10:16:00.000-04:00

gse, originally uploaded by andebos.

"You know the best part? It isn't knowing that your friends have your back. It's knowing that you have your friends' back."

Before moving out, Sam shared this movie with me, which his brother shared with him and then I with my brother. If you don't know the movie then I'm not going to share it with you. That's part of the deal - use your brain, search it out, and watch it. Especially you Searc...It's a little different than a lot of movies and I don't imagine too many women would enjoy it - at all. Nonetheless, it's an interesting view on loyalty, violence, reputation and standing up for something. It's about sticking next to someone and it's about walking away from someone...it's humor, it's violent, it's real, it's timeful, and it's life. Will you love it? I cannot say - but I certainly did and I recommend it to those searching for a worthwhile story in a thick of clutter.
"Discussing the West Ham / Millwall Rivalry: It's like the Yankees and the Red Sox. More like the Israelis and the Palestinians."

Ocean Grove and New Moves

2006-08-24T11:17:00.000-04:00

OGGroup, originally uploaded by andebos.

Last weekend a group of us travelled 300 miles to Ocean Grove, NJ...despite the typo on the picture, we were in New Jersey not New Hampshire. For all of us it was an experience out of a dream, or perhaps a memory. The town was straight out of our youth. Everyone in the town new each other, kids played after dark, families sat on porches playing bingo or talking with each other. The sounds of laughter and joy were everywhere! Then, the beach! It was remarkable. I don't doubt the water was cold, but compared to our New England water is felt so warm. The waves at times were extremely large - large enough to crash you into the ocean floor. We spent our time building sand castles, eating awesome dinners, going to church, and riding the waves on in. I awoke around five on Saturday morning to catch the sunrise - pictures are online, feel free to peruse our adventure. This week I'm packing up my room and things in the Purpleopolis, aka the Purple Palace, before heading over to my new place this weekend. I'm excited for our new place and new roommates but I'm equally sad about losing the fellowship I have here everyday. Luckily I'm only a few minutes up the road. I've thrown a couple of pics below that I enjoyed from out trip. Feel free to check out our new place here.

Bikes, Trains and Kayaks

2006-08-23T11:24:00.000-04:00

PTandA, originally uploaded by andebos.

Well, I'm home now after a wonderful time in Ocean Grove, NH with the waves and sand. On Monday Sam and I thought it would be fun to do a bit of kayaking in Concord. The drive is about fifteen or twenty minutes but we wanted to do more than kayak that day...we wanted to bike ride as well. Hmm, well, why not put the two together? Therefore, we hopped on our bikes and started the ride to Concord with some cash in our pockets. We figured it would be a long ride but never figured it'd take close to two hours. However, it was an awesome ride on battle road which is the march the british soldiers took to Lexington and Concord. The ride, despite the numbness of my butt, was worthwhile. After arriving at the river we hopped in our kayaks and rowed downstream for about fourty five minutes and then turned back upstream. Again, a beautiful time. We were feeling a little beat at this point, okay honestly, it's just that our butts hurt from sitting on the bikes that whole time and the thought of an hour plus back or so seemed tiring. We agreed to take the commuter rail which takes suburbians into the city. I'd never ridden the commuter rail before but figured it couldn't be too bad, thousands of people hop on and off each day. The only difficulty with this initial plan was timing. The rail runs at certain times and if you miss one you're waiting nearly an hour or more for the next one. This only proved a problem because we had ordered a pizza at a local pizza place that was timed to come out about a minute before the train arrived. Luckily the train was running late, continued problems caused by the big dig disaster. We finished our pizza and then jumped on the train home. Not more than 5 minutes into the ride home (but now in the middle of nowhere) the train broke down...which meant we had to wait for the train behind us, who knows how long before it gets to us, to push us in. Finally, after forever, the train met us and pushed us at a slow speed of 30mph home. Our quick train ride home now took nearly 3 hours to pull into the station. Sam and I slept most of the ride and the rest of the time was spent cracking jokes about train crashes, steve martin and john candy lines and basically laughing that God was punishing us for our apparent laziness. As if the sore butts weren't enough. Eventually we rolled on home, passed on wings, grabbed some beer, watched the monday night game and ended up watching some horrible movie with the girls before finally, finally, finally heading to bed! What a wild adventure!

Something else

2006-08-17T12:13:00.000-04:00

nineleven, originally uploaded by andebos.

"It's a story of hope, survival and selflessness. It celebrates the ties that bind us and the bonds that keep us going. A true story you'd never expect and won't forget."

Yesterday, My friend Sarah and I ventured to the common to finally witness the movie World Trade Center. Since the opening of the trailer it certainly looked compelling. Sarah had her reluctancies as I imagine most of us do....there isn't a lot of time between this movie and the reality of it all. However, perhaps the most compelling part is that the story comes from the desire of the actual survivors. Last night I watched the stories of the men from the website and they both felt their story, and the story of the human race needed to be told while those memories were fresh. The key line of the movie is "The world saw evil that day. Two men saw something else." That's precisely what this movie captures. You walk away at the end quite speechless since you practically relive the events of that day. You see the planes hit, you see the towers crash, people fall, you even experience what it was like inside as the towers crashed for the rough twenty seconds or so...you see the memories the men saw, their fellow brothers dying to save their life, and most inspiring, you constantly see the light, the hands, the hopeful voices calling out, and the thousands of men and women searching for those who survived! Over 2000 individuals from over 80 countries died on that Tuesday...but that isn't the only thing you see, you truly see the best in the spirit of humanity. There's a small dialogue at the end of the movie by Sergeant John McLoughlin. He says something to the effect of seeing men and women from all over coming together to help others, even at the possible sacrifice of their very own lives, without question, just because it was the right thing to do. As these men hope, I hope, that this story truly reaches the generations to come. Perhaps, like Pearl Harbor before, this is one of those days that defines our times and our humanity.

It was also a day that helped me define God. I truly believe that god allows us to make our own choices but likewise influences those of us who believe in him to act according to his desires and love. On this day perhaps the events were destined to happen....was God not present? I believe he was present and just like us, wished it had never happened, and like us - chose to take immediate action. Perhaps evil wanted to triumphy that day...but through love, friendship, family, and the power of people to come together, God redeemed that day to show the might of love in the heart of man, put there by the love of God. A complex issue, but I do believe that day was a hopefully redeemed day.

Sundays

2006-08-03T22:51:00.000-04:00

Weddings, originally uploaded by andebos.

These past few days were extraordinarily filled. On Saturday I awoke early and drove into south boston to pick up a Uhaul and help move my friend Michelle's items into the new place Zack and her will now live. There were quite a few hilarious events during the moving process, as tends to happen when you combine three tired guys moving women's items a day before her wedding! Since we've decided to either express these stories years from now or take them to our grave I'll only give you the snippits. They basically involve losing a cat, kidnapping a cat by accident, losing a cat again, dropping a very expensive white dress after we broke the hangar, and a few other things that have no need for discussion! Absolutely hilarious. After the moving process we went over to the Charles just in time to miss Canoeing with the fellas. The rest of the day was spent at the beach....and napping during the evening from pure sun and exercise exhaustion. Sunday was Zack and Michelle's wedding, of which you can see above - including Melissa, Michelle's sister, who I confess seems one of the coolest girls I've ever met....and she's a teacher thus able to talk shop with me. The wedding was great, even including a little shane barnard, ten grooms and bridesmaids, old friends I've long to see, and vows that bring one to tears, or at least me! Well really, when a girl tells a story about the man who sleeps outside her door all night because he refuses to leave her after a big fight, who doesn't get at least a little moved? Both of these people are amazing individuals and watching their union and story has really restored a lot of broken hopes inside of me. They are truly a blessing to everyone they meet - and their wedding was an expression of much more than two people saying "I do."

Oh, and on another note, I was so excited to see my long friend Dusty and the whole Peterson lot. Though Dust and I didn't spend a great deal of time together, it's good to know I can still click with him and he continues to inspire me with his life, way he thinks, and compassion for others. I enjoy his company as much if not more than any of my closest friends. I eagerly await the next time we can connect! After the wedding we all carpooled down to the cape and partook in a reception of breathtaking proportions. The reception encompassed excellent food, company, toasts, dancing, and friends. Oh, and the band was the best I've ever seen in my entire life! This group of people could sing any song and you swore up and down it was the original artist. They even sang a Louis Armstrong song and everyone turned in their seat, shocked to see it wasn't really him singing in front of us. After the wedding we all retired the long drive back home. The wedding was a very fun time and I will tell you there was one particular person whom I couldn't take my eyes off of - and that hasn't happened in a long time. We'll see what happens in the months to come....as I'm in no rush. Monday I woke early to help my friend Bowman move, and acquiring a bunch of items for our new place. He gave us a couch, coffee and end tables, several large mirrors, book cases, and much more - all for free! A remarkable and generous friend to all of us. Monday night I signed the lease for the new place I'm moving to in a few weeks.

Tuesday morning Bowman and I then left for Maine as he is staying at a cabin for the month of August. He is very much alone with work, his bible, and some food to keep him company. I have to laugh as I know I left him alone with thoughts of two small twin girls standing at the end of the halls of where he stays, as his most fearful movie is the Shining! I'm amazed at this month for him and excited to see what the outcome of his time will produce. I long for the solitude in which he has placed himself. It's not a time that many would volunteer for - but him and I share our joy in this inner journey, I am excited to make the trip again near the end of his time to visit again and hear about his experience! Currently I am in Colorado with the family for our family reunion. We're staying in a cheap hotel in Golden as we are just relaxin' until we roll into Denver and Vail tomorrow! I'm excited as we prepare for a fun few days in the sweetness, coolness, and enjoyment of the Rockies.

Twenty Five and Getting Older

2006-07-14T16:48:00.000-04:00

runner's knee, originally uploaded by andebos.

"The knee is a complex joint. It includes the articulation between the tibia and femur (leg and thigh) and the patella (knee cap). The most common knee problems in running relate to what is called the "patellofemoral complex". This consists of the quadriceps, knee cap and patellar tendon. What is now called patellofemoral pain syndrome (PFPS) is also known as runner's knee. For many years runner's knee was considered to be chondromalacia of the patella. This essentially means a softening of the cartilage of the knee cap....The symptoms of runners knee include pain near the knee cap usually at the medial (inner) portion and below it. Pain is usually also felt after sitting for a long period of time with the knees bent...." Treatment options on 75% of websites...stop running. That's frankly, 100% annoying to me. Luckily, for my marathon training, the other quarter of the websites have offered numerous, detailed, exercises and stretches to cope with this problem. Really, for me, it's not about a reoccuring, proloning, putting it bluntly - never going away problem. It's the coping with getting older and realizing my father and other older people were actually in pain all those times I watched or helped out with a large bit of doubt echoeing in my head. I've always known I was never the biggest guy (10ft tall), or the most athletic, or the most good looking, however, I did always (at least on some subconscious or conscious but arrogant level) believe I was invincible...aka 6'4'' and pulletproof. Wrong, foiled yet again! Now, where does life lead when reality sets in and you realize the disullisionment you believed for so long isn't reality? Well, you're left with two options as I see. The first is you die of shame. Thinking what you should've, could've, wouldn'tve, might've, whatever've done differently...or you actually cowboy up and cope with reality. But honestly, both options kind of suck. Therefore - this is what I propose! You train during the summer, and being a teacher (good choice) have all the time in the world to stretch, relax, recupe, whatever. Then, when you're sitting at home icing your knee...you sit back and think of all the other sukers who have to go to work everyday!! Ha Ha, you thought this was gonna be a pity party about my knee! Nah, it's a celebration about just how much I love the summers while I sit around icing my knee after my runs...which truly are painful. But, it makes up for it when the the thing I'm icing my knee with is the cold beer I'm sippin from on this pleasant summer, sunny, afternoon!! How's that desk? I really didn't mean for this to head the wacked direction it did...I just couldn't resist! Perhaps it's the beer...

My Summer Vacation Thus Far

2006-07-13T00:40:00.000-04:00

Dave Matthews at Fenway, originally uploaded by andebos.

Summertimes are why I love my job and beyond complete expression now that my life is surrounded by work and with loved ones working. Oddly enough I get to spend my time with two awesome roommates who are also off for a while this summer. As amazing as it is to have nothing going on everyday the idea that "the days are evil" is an important thing to keep in mind. Like many others, I respond extremely well to structure, schedule, routine, and expectations. A complete lax in a day every now and then is nice but I can easily become lazy or unfocused if I allow myself...hey, it happens. Therefore, I have begun creating a daily schedule, a summer goal list, and ideas of where I want my summer to head and how it will benefit me and others. Training for Chicago is a big help as well in this endeavor as it keeps me in shape and eating well. Other than the beach I haven't done a great deal since arriving back two weeks ago and the summer is passing rather quickly. The fourth was more than I could ever explain and beats any midwest celebration I've ever participated in...the fireworks here, the people, everything was phenomenal! The fireworks shook the building I was watching from...scary standing several stories up on a rooftop. Last week my roommate had an extra ticket to Dave Matthews at Fenway - it was around ninety dollars but how could I possibly pass that up?

Other than that things have been fairly regular. If you're the praying type I would certainly appreciate some prayers for my knees as they're bugging me fairly significantly. Hopefullly in time things will wear off or I'll just learn to run through the pain. Finally, I am travelling to Colorado in August for a rather large family reunion. We thought it would be fun if we all had similar shirts and I offered to design some "sweet" threads for us. Below are the designs I came up with...thoughts on which you like the best? It appears the stripes one is winning out so far. Which design would you wanna sport around for your reunion?

Witnessed and Finished

2006-06-30T10:11:00.000-04:00

Leaving now for Boston - I'll write more upon my return...Well, I haven't landed yet, in fact, I'm still in the airport. Thanks to MCI's free Internet my "airport" is giving me everything I need to connect with the marvelous world wide web. Arriving back from camp I ventured out to experience Superman. I choose the words experience because that's exactly what it was! I think it was a tremendous movie but I would use the phrase "medium-well" since I never want to take a definite side. Let me explain. Overall, I think the movie was terrific, especially the elements of the original story which made it much more entertaining for us die hard fans. However, the original movie by Donner is so Iconic that it's hard to touch the thing or even play off it...hence Superman's absence for over the past 15 years. Nonetheless, Singer did such a great job - the man is an artist. I loved it and in time I think I will like it more...at the moment I'm medium-well because by perspective is continually comparing it to the 78 classic. On another note, I finally finished Order of the Phoenix and am newly alive with Potter. These books are so freakin' money. I cannot believe the way this one ended and have never been more frustated and eager to grab the sixth one of the shelf. I wish I'd brought it to KC with me - I never dreamed that I'd read 600pages in a day or two...go figure, the magic of Harry Potter. I'm very excited to read more about the prophecy and come to understand the phrase "half-blood prince." When seven is done I will be an utterly depressed man. In the mean time, carry on my brothers, carry on. Boston, here I come - fireworks above the Charles, here I come, friends, I return. I wish I could fly!! Oh wait, I'm boarding - close as I get at the moment...perhaps one day.

The Call For Eagles to Return

2006-06-19T18:46:00.000-04:00

Osceola Hills, originally uploaded by andebos.

And adorned around my neck I wear the claws of a hardway warrior, back to back and painted to the purple hue of a shaman in the tribe of Mic-O-Say. Like my fellow tribesman and Eagles before me...I heed the call of the Hills and return for another year to the fellowship of my brothers and kindred spirits. May the deep memories, guarded secrets, and trails lined with white rocks carry me through the Hills of Osceola...as I venture back to my youth, and again, reconnect with that place within, like I have so many years before.

School ended last Friday and the summer has finally begun. Extremely late in comparison to my former mid-western schedule. This week I still visit the school as I organize, turn in, meet, pack, and a million other things before our final day on Thursday. The following day (Friday) I fly home to Kansas City and then drive down to camp for a few days. I was saddened to realize not everyone can attend like I once thought. It will be an interesting adventure nonetheless. I'll arrive back in KC with just enough time to catch up with a few friends and then head back to Boston for the fourth of July party on top of the roofs of Beacon Street. Life's pace is interesting at the moment, it is both speeding up and slowing down. As I process and reflect upon this past year it's so bizzare...finally, now that the buisness side of life is over, I can, for once, truly reflect and contemplate again. Perhaps my mind isn't as blank as I once thought. Already a bunch of ideas are beginning to flow - but I'll hold off for the moment. At CityLife this past Sunday I heard an interesting idea that hadn't occured to me before. I don't have the word for word quote but the thought develops out of Mark 9. The gist is this: The person who understands putting others first and being of a servant of all - truly understands that salvation is a gift. Something to ponder on...I wish the sermon had given some time within it so let us think upon that thought, a teaching strategy I'll leave with the teachers, wait time - think on it!

Life Changers

2006-06-10T17:09:00.000-04:00

lifechangers, originally uploaded by andebos.

This post is a two-fold post. The first part centers on the great relationships I'm formed here beginning with my good friend Brooks and how her and Andy, her husband, will be missed as they move on to a job in Colorado. The second part is because my blog is, as of late, well, boring and inefficient! Therefore, the second section will make the long attempt to catch you up on some major aspects/events in my life over the past few months. Friday night Brooks and Andy had their farewell rooftop party / Andy’s Graduation from MIT party. It was a sad day as I got to visit with Brooks about their leaving. I could tell she was torn between the excitement of joining Andy’s calling and the discouragement of the steps in leaving her well-rooted life in Boston. I was also sad to know they were leaving. Brooks was the first friend I made in Boston…by that I mean, she was the first friend that I made apart from other relationships. I believe it was a divinely intentioned meeting. Only in reflection do I realize that through Brooks every blessed relationship I have here now, began and trickled down through her. I thank God for her friendship, her trust, her ability to understand the story of my life like none other, and that she helped change my life forever. It’s funny because I always tell people that I consider Brooks to be my older sister here in Boston…because she was always looking out for me and helping me get myself on solid footing – now that her and Andy are married Brooks and I share the same last name, now she really is like my sister. I’ll miss you friend, thank you for being a lifechanger in the story of my life. You were one of the few whose names I can claim that altered the course of events in my life back towards life, and I will never forget you for all you have meant and done for me.

"I'm gonna be a history maker in this land. I'm gonna be a speaker of truth to all mankind"

Now, moving on to the other events in these last few months. Well, I’ve tried to place these in order of their happenings but that appears more difficult than I originally thought because several aspects are more aspects than they are events, thus being, they overlap many events and do not have a particular time stamp. The first event is most likely Zack’s Bachelor Party.

Zack’s Bachelor Party

A few weeks ago I gathered with many men to celebrate the upcoming marriage of Zack and Michelle. It was a great time! We gathered to attend the Park Street morning service and then carpooled out to Marshfield and stayed at a friend’s In-Laws house. It was also great. This place overlooked a vast marsh field and then onto the ocean. The house itself was likewise impressive with everything from a pool table and indoor pool to an enormous hanging projector with screen that descended out of the ceiling, remarkable! After arriving we headed out to eat some pizza, which got me a little sick, gross! Then, we left to play ultimate Frisbee, which tore me up from too much diving. Finally we headed to the ocean. There we proceeded to chill and play this silly rock throwing game that only men could be entertained by for an hour. Actually, it was a sweet game I think! Basically, one person threw a rock out into the ocean and others tried to hit that rock with another rock while it remained in the air. After the ocean we got treated with the cooking of Brian, Darcy, and Ellis – these guys are some of the best cooks I’ve ever personally met. Then, we gathered to talk about Zack for a while and then goofed around the rest of the night, woke up for another terrific meal, and then home to lesson planning and napping. It was a great time, with great friends, and gave a sneak peak at a soon to be a remarkable husband!

Phil’s Visit to Boston
I suppose this next event actually took place prior to Zack’s party, but like I said, I forget the exact order of everything…it’s kinda all blurred together!

A few weeks ago Phil Hart came to visit me. It was a great visit and I forgot just how much I love Phil, his friendship, and our history. One thing I have always respected about our relationship is just how well we click – from the first time we met we instantly connected. This trip was no different. I love Phil because he encourages me, speaks honesty to me, ask me questions, forgives me, believes in me, and loves me like few others – our history together is long and it is one of the most important relationships of my life. We had some really good talks while he was here and the one thing I regret is that we didn’t get to pray together more. Anyway, while Phil was here he got to see many of the Boston sights and meet many of the people with whom I do life. One of the key events is that, thanks to my parents, we got to go to the Red Sox and Yankees game. We lost but it was still worthwhile, what Red Sox game isn’t? We also took a trip with several of my friends to the top of the Prudential building, unfortunately Phil’s face was cut out of the self-taken picture…he’s on the right side of the picture – you can barely see him, see the eye?

Thoughts in Purposeful Isolation

2006-06-05T00:14:00.000-04:00

rescue, originally uploaded by andebos.

Upon arriving home (from KC) around five thirty tonight I shortly thereafter hopped in my car and proceded to drive around for about 2-3 hours and walked for about an hour or 2. Basically from seven to eleven I was gone. My thought is that even though I'm more extraverted than I used to be - too much people time drains me completely and I have to withdraw not only to a place alone but a lonely place at that...meaning I have to go somewhere alone and inside myself where loneliness dwells and feel that isolation - something about it recharges me and brings life, perhaps it's trudging through it that resurrects me back. On the trip back I listened to this song on repeat the whole way - for four hours straight...and I never got tired of it. There's something in it that intriques me...

I wish we could back
to the beginning
cause there's something missing from your eyes.
We lost a lifetime
when I disappeared,
now I am coming back to you.

I wish I could fly, I know I can save us somehow.
You thought you were safe and sound but you need a hero now.
You gotta believe even with broken wings,
I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me.

Summer's the season
but you're cold and freezing,
if there's a reason it's a lie.
When did I lose you,
I need you to pull through,
the weight of the world never felt so alive.

I wish I could fly, I know I can save us somehow.
You thought you were safe and sound but you need a hero now.
You gotta believe even with broken wings,
I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me.

I wish I could fly, I know I can save us somehow.
You thought you were safe and sound but you need a hero now.
You gotta believe even with broken wings.
I wish I could fly, I know I can save us somehow.
You thought you were safe and sound but you need a hero now.
You gotta believe even with broken wings,
I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me

I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me

I've come to your rescue and you can't rescue me

Red Sox ~ Yankees Tonight

2006-05-23T12:39:00.000-04:00

Red Sox vs. Yankees, originally uploaded by andebos.

My best friend Phil is in town until tomorrow and, thanks to some awesome help from the parents, we are going to the Boston / New York game tonight! It will be freakin' awesome!! We're sitting in the bleacher seats but in my opinion there isn't a bad seat in the house and the bleachers are the best place if you want the true "Boston crowd" experience! We're both excited and can't wait to grab our first bud in celebration. It's a Sweet Caroline day, sweet, oh so sweet

Desperate without vision

2006-05-14T23:18:00.000-04:00

Desperate without vision, originally uploaded by andebos.

What can i do with my obsession
With the things i cannot see
Is there madness in my being
Is it the wind that moves the trees?
Sometimes You're further than the moon
Sometimes You're closer than my skin
And You surround me like a winter fog
You've come and burned me with a kiss

And my heart burns for You
And my heart burns...for You

And i'm so filthy with my sin
i carry pride like a disease
You know i'm stubborn, Lord, and i'm longing to be close
You burn me deeper than i know
And i feel lonely without hope
And i feel desperate without vision
You wrap around me like a winter coat
You come and free me like a bird

my love for You
my heart for You
my life for You
all i have for You

by david crowder

Blueish

2006-05-14T17:07:00.000-04:00

Blueish, originally uploaded by andebos.

Recently I took one of those personality assessments and below you will find what it said about me. I think most of it is fairly right on. The part about loyalty and friendships is right on with me as well. I don't just dive into a relationship (friendship or whatever) on a whim. I don't think it's because I'm cautious or afraid of being hurt, but rather because I desire deep friendships. In new situations or upon meeting new people I am quite shy and I would admit probably come off rude and full of myself. Friday night I was at a dinner our bible study hosted for another bible study. The company included a variety of people and I branched out a bit but mostly stuck talking with the people I know. Typically, I feel shyness is a quality others look down upon, or at least have in my past. However, I feel that within the qualities of a shy person you will find qualities such as trust, loyalty, genuiness, and openess that you sometimes do not find to an extreme degree on the other side of a relationship. So, while getting to know me bay be a win or lose, depending on a number of things, I think all of my friendships are deep and meaningful. I am more of an inner sanctum, round table, type of person than a large group. Perhaps there is where I have the most potential for tranformation...to both be a light and receive the light - how do you interact with people around you? Whatever the method...does it bring life?

Others see you as sensible, cautious, careful and practical. They see you as clever, gifted, or talented, but modest. Not a person who makes friends too quickly or easily, but someone who's extremely loyal to friends you do make and who expect the same loyalty in return. Those who really get to know you realize it takes a lot to shake your trust in your friends, but equally that it takes you a long time to get over if that trust is ever broken.

..:.: Kansas City :: Boston :.:..

2006-05-07T23:18:00.000-04:00

Fenway, originally uploaded by andebos.

This week I had several visitors, including my younger brother, in town. We did a ton of stuff in a semi-short amount of time. I've put a variety of pictures into a set for your viewing pleasure. When I get some spare time this week I'll try and fill you in on the specifics...until then, enjoy the eye candy!

Verb for the week

2006-04-30T13:56:00.000-04:00

spontaneous, originally uploaded by andebos.

This past weekend I finally have reached a few conclusions about my working life and my after working life. After work on Friday I received a call from my friend the Dr. Bowman who asked if I wanted to meet at Starbucks around 5ish and grab some dinner. This slightly changed as he then met me at work and finished some work online while I prepared things for next week. Shortly after we both finished up, actually come to think of it, neither of us got much done. Anyway, we ventured off and sat down to eat at a local pub. From there we discussed some fairly heavy issues, oddly enough this back sprung off of a conversation I initiated confessing that I don't engage in many meaningfull, deeply contemplative, conversations anymore. If you look at my blog I think this is fairly evident too. Well, that certainly changed during our convos. Near the end he began to tell me about a book he was reading. (Prior to we had just begun discussing reading the "right kind" of books. Those that are deeply authentic and life altering - as opposed to another self-help, money making agendaed, cheesy but deluding book) The book he recommended was Tracy Kidder's Mountains Beyond Mountains about Dr. Paul Farmer, a doctor working in Boston/Haiti. Bowman confessed little about the book other than I needed to read it and soon we would need to discuss it. We therefore left to Borders, he bought the book for me, wrote inside the cover "To Tyler- I hope the deeper parts of this book really affect your walk w/ God & His people. Johnathan Bowman." He wouldn't even let me read the back cover or look at the thing until we parted at the train station. Thus far I'm only a few chapters in but I'm beginning to see what he meant and it hits a high note on many things I've come to feel and realize in the past few years since...

That's all I'll leave you with that - but, from that interaction and experience I realized a vital fact about my life. I enjoy planning, events, parties, gatherings, things set in motion long before, however, I love spontaneity more than anything. From the beginning of working when items are planned during my free time I become slightly stressed at the thought of attending, why? I have no clue...but I know now that I do. When events come together spontaneously in the moment, or are suprising, I am more often compelled to say yes and enjoy myself. This doesn't mean I don't enjoy planned outings or that I'll automatically respond yes to a spontaneous event but I realize my emotional reaction now to both. I believe it's the feeling of usefulness of time and rushing. When an event is planned I feel the pressure of time, performance, and the loss of freedom. When an event comes out of spontaneous there seems a momentary choice, a relaxation of attending, and enjoyment of the possibility of what could occur. That's what I've realized. The picture from above is another spontaneous event where I joined Jill up on Brooks' rooftop for dinner and drinks, again, another whim of the moment gig - and it was fun, cold, but fun!

My life thus far in pictures

2006-04-23T15:05:00.000-04:00

Ash's bday, originally uploaded by andebos.

This past week was our Spring Break and I have been up to quite a bit - even though I haven't gotten much done. In an attempt to elaborate on a few things here are some pics from the past week or more of my life. They are in no particular order - enjoy until I can explain in further detail.

Boston, Why?

2006-04-22T01:03:00.000-04:00

boston, originally uploaded by andebos.

Tonight I went to hear Matt Wertz play near Fenway. He puts on a terrific concert and just has a knack for getting the audience into the show. It was a great concert but as he sang this song...I couldn't help but think of my friend. I took the "Liberty" of changing some of the words, but I figured he'd be okay with that seeing how the song brings back such memories of the one's we lose. Terrific song for a wonderful friend - what it will be like to return home without your greeting I cannot imagine...

Boston, Why?
It's cold in the living room on Canterbury,
It's quiet 'round the table tonight,
It's half empty in this house,
And this half don't know what to do...

Boston, why'd you have to leave us so soon?

We keep fumbling through the words to explain it all,
We keep searching for the beauty in the dust,
We keep telling ourselves,
It was your time...

Boston, why can't you just be here tonight?

Bowl is on the floorside,
Leish is up on high,
Door is open for you,
And you're beating in our hearts...

Boston, why'd you have to leave us so soon?

We keep waiting for your barking at the back door,
We keep waiting for the punchline to the joke,
We keep shedding these tears,
And shouting at the moon...

Boston why'd you have to leave us so soon?

Bowl is on the floorside,
Leish is up on high,
Door is open for you,
And you're beating in our hearts...

Boston, why'd you have to leave us so soon?
Boston, why'd you have to leave us so soon?
Boston, why'd you have to leave us?

no problems

2006-04-14T17:38:00.000-04:00

theislands, originally uploaded by andebos.

I can't speak much on the weather back home in the midwest, lest to say my parent's were working on the pond so I'm guessing it's nice - up here, today, it was remarkable. Sam and I went up to visit Walden Pond, some famous graveyard stones such as Emerson and Thoreau, and the spot of the shot heard round the world. The day is perfect for the beginning of spring break. Seventies, with the sunroof open, windows open, and a drink in my hand, remarkable! You know, this kind of day makes me just imagine the beauty of my first Boston summer experience. People tell me they're amazing, sox games, beaches, grilling, nothing better. If you know me at all then you know the idea of sailing, water, sand, and the beach is without a doubt my favorite thing in the world - it's what truly makes me feel at home and happy. This summer is going to rock, reminds me of Daytona. I can't wait for summer sand and waves. This time of year, rounding the corner to summer, always reminds me of this little dialogue...where life is around the corner to having no shoes, no shirt, no problems!

The islands, they're the one place where you can truly be as you are. Where it doesn't matter what you've done, how you make your life, you're just there. With the sun, the sand, the sea, and the locals. Where the notion of no shoes, no shirt, no problems isn't a song title but a way of life, my way of life. Where I feel the most alive. Where I feel the most settled. It's where I feel really at home.

Hansel, So Hot Right Now

2006-04-10T00:06:00.000-04:00

hansel, originally uploaded by andebos.

The one and only comment, thus far, on this post recognized the title from the get go. "Hansel, so hot right now." The comment naturally asked the question is this a reference and if so, why? Well to answer that is getting into a big bag of worms I feel like. Yes, it is a reference, two because I love my life, my friends, my family, and the place where God has placed me and the city I am in. This past weekend I went to a party at my friend Rob's house called "Eastoberfest." There, we dyed Easter eggs, colored pictures with crayons, played memory, watched the Masters and Sox game, and drank Corona while chilling with friends who are all eating a plethora of food, great food! - does it get any better than that? In the evite to the party (evites are the invitation of choice in Boston by the way) the yes box was titled, Hansel, so hot right now and thus the title of the post as it was referenced yet again at the party. The next day I ventured to church, picking up my buddy Matt on the way. You may notice I don't discuss spiritual matters in great depth too much, I suppose a lot of times I feel much of what I might say is just meaningless God chattering...and most of the issues I discuss with people are either so basic or so complicatedly complex (like that?) it's too much for a single post, or many posts as many of the conversations continue. Anyway, I went off to Citylife and then afterward my friend Carrie and I caught up with Mike and Kendra for an afternoon Prayer meeting in south Boston. It was awesome! Very moving, cold, but moving. It was just good to pray with people openly, honestly, and of different races and places in life than myself - it was powerful and I felt incredibly small in a world much bigger than myself. For once in a long time I realized who was in control of things...and that life is much more brilliant than once imagined, but much more real and difficult as well. My basic point is this - my life is richly blessed with an abundance of great relationships and my life is simply this, life. Everywhere I turn as I look around, I see blessing and I am thankful. I'm excited for the days ahead and I look back on the days behind with thankful memory, both for the joy and the pain. May the lingering hopes of memories long gone, and the joy of laughter in the present, keep each of you warm as God showers his peace down on us from afar.

Maybe I should: find a way to get to the America's Cup
I love: My students
I don't understand: My past or present
People say I'm: Idealistic
Love is: Healing
Somewhere, someone is: Seeing the Kingdom
I will always: Believe
Forever seems: Like yesterday
I never want to: remember to forget
I think our current President is: Our President
When I wake up in the morning: I count to 60 over and over and pretend it's Saturday
I get annoyed when: I think narrowminded and instinctually
Parties are: Small pieces of a whole
My dog is: Here with me
Kisses are the worst when: They're saying Goodbye
Today I: Imagined
Tomorrow I'm going to: Pretend it's Saturday
I really want: Find the hopes of my youth
I have low tolerance for people who: Settle for low expectations
If I had a million dollars: I would ask a child what to do with it

Rearview Twenty One

2006-04-02T13:36:00.000-04:00

twentyone, originally uploaded by andebos.

Words about my younger brother...what words express our lives together? What song, actually songs to write? If you can bundle all our experiences together into a simple blog post that you're Albert Einstein! Mike just turned twenty one yesterday and in less than a year will be finished with his college program. Who knows, maybe he will join me out here - it's quite the city and maybe a perfect fit for him. I remember boxing matches, baseball in the house, movies, holidays, car rides, a lifetime of memories. All I can do is look back in our rearview together and think about the road ahead cause I know it will be a good one! Here's to you little bro, glasses raised! Obviously I cut out some lyrics as they're a little vulgar for this blog, but you know the song!

Staring Through My Rearview
Staring at the world through my rearview
Just looking back at the world, from another level yaknowhatImean?
Starin...

I'm seein nuttin but my dreams comin true
While I'm starin at the world through my rearview

Now I know the answers to the question, do dreams come true
Still starin at the world through my rearview

You surpass them all

2006-04-01T22:47:00.000-05:00

My Fiance, originally uploaded by andebos.

From Wednesday evening to tonight was quite the last few days! Unbeknownst to almost everyone but family I flew home wednesday night (taking off the rest of the week - thanks Park Street for not even knocking any days off!) I got in super late Wednesday, around 1am and my parents and little bro grabbed me from MCI. Waking up early I had prearranged a small dual family breakfast to ask a very important question to two men I greatly respect and admire, my father, and the father of my best friend, now fiance! After receiving the go I went to pick up the ring that afternoon and spent the rest of the day running errands around town getting things ready for tonight. Yesterday, I showed up at her work for lunch, her not even knowing I was in town. It was an awesome lunch, even though in my selfishness I took her to Wendy's...what a gal to put up with that. Friday evening we actually didn't hang out as I told her I needed to spend a night with my, now 21, brother. Mike helped me get everything ready for tonight! We spent the entire day together and instead of giving you all the details of the last few months, all the late night conversations we've had that have led to this point, and what happened during the day let me just tell you I'm the luckiest man ever! BJ is my best friend, worth far more than rubies, my confidence is in her and she has brought me good and joy all the days of my life. "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all." You have always been with me and you are always my best friend, I love you and that is no joke. Without further waiting, let me announce to you all that we are officially engaged! We haven't set a date or even discussed any plans - but, I'm happy, excited, and for the first time in a long time - feel the blessedness of love from a person I care deeply about. All my blessings to you my friends, family, and new Fiance!

"Just to see you smile I'd do anything, that you wanted me to, when all is said and done, I'd never count the cost, it's worth all that's lost, just to see you smile."

Waiting in Vain

2006-04-01T15:00:00.000-05:00

Waiting in Vain, originally uploaded by andebos.

This movie was on TV today as I was flipping through finishing an imovie I'm making for my devotional in another week or so... I went as saw this movie my junior year with the girls at the love house. It wasn't the biggest hit with them but I remember really enjoying it. Shortly thereafter I purchased the soundtrack which is much better than the movie. This song always takes me back to Christmas time in Kansas City and winters in Kirksville. Mostly, it reminds me of a nostalgic winter time of life walking through snow falls and chilled winds with an old friend. Whenever I hear it there is a bizzare smile that appears on my face as I remember back, it's a song that makes me feel hope for the future and the brilliance of the past...it brings out all the glimmer of years long gone.

Waiting In Vain
From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, boy
My heart said follow through but I know now
That I'm way down on your line
But the waiting feeling's fine

So don't treat me like a puppet on a string
Because I know how to do my thing
Don't talk to me as if you think I'm dumb
I wanna know when you're gotta come,you see

I don't wanna wait in a vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in a vain for your love
I don't wanna wait in a vain for your love
'cause summer is here
And I'm still waiting there
Winter is here
I'm still waiting there

Like I said
It's been three years since I'm knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy, ooh boy, is it crazy look, I wanna know now
For I to knock some more, you see

In life I know
That there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief
Tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I'm waitin'
While I'm waitin' for my turn, you see

Like I said-
I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna wait in vain
I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna, I don't wanna
I don't wanna wait in vain

It's been three years since I'm knocking on your door
And still I can knock some more
Ooh boy, ooh boy, is it crazy look, I wanna know now
Like I said, the tears in my eyes burn
Tears in my eyes burn
While I'm waiting
While I'm waiting for my turn, you see
Ooh boy,ooh boy,is it crazy look, I wanna know now
For I to knock some more
In life I know there is lots of grief
But your love is my relief

Johnathan Trager's Obituary
Jonathan Trager, prominent television producer for ESPN, died last night from complications of losing his soul mate and fiancee. He was 35 years old.
Soft-spoken and obsessive, Trager never looked the part a hopeless romantic.
But in the final days of his life, he revealed an unknown side of his psyche. This hidden quasi-jungian persona serves during the Agatha Christie-like pursuit for his long-reputed soul mate: A woman whom he only spent a few precious hours with.
Sadly, the protracted search ended late Saturday night in complete and utter failure.
Yet even in certain defeat, the courageous Trager clung to the belief that life is not merely a series of meaningless accidents or coincidences. But rather it's a tapestry of events that culminate in an exquisite, sublime plan.
Asked about the loss of his dear friend Dean Kansky, Pulitzer prize winner and New York Times Executive Editor, described Jonathan as a changed man in the last days of his life. Things were clearer for him, Kansky noted.
Ultimatedly, Jonathan concluded for us to be in harmony with the universe we must possess a powerful faith in what the ancients used to called fatum. What we currently refer to as destiny.

Da' Boys from long ago and today

2006-03-26T23:47:00.000-05:00

Da' Boys, originally uploaded by andebos.

Mike and Brett - long friend from childhood, my fellow eagles, tribesmen, roommates, friends, brothers. You guys have been more loyal than I could ever ask for in this life...even when I am not, even when we disagree you have always been there for me. I remember hearing this song the first time and thinking, what an amazing song! And then being even more thrilled when I found out Brett had the CD last year. The three of us shared a lot of good times last year, from movies every other day to random dinner places every Friday. Great guys to live with - especially if you're as messy as I am in the past two years. This song goes to the fun memories we've put together over the years and how we'll always be there for one another. Hopefully our lives stay as intertwined as possible over the years...Thanks for all the support fellas, can't wait till y'all come out to visit Boston. Until then, well, keep livin' fellas L-I-V-I-N! and don't fret the girl situation, cause someday you'll be lookin her in the eyes and saying it's "you and me"

You and Me
What day is it? And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive
I can't keep up and I can't back down
I've been losing so much time

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

All of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right
I'm tripping on words
You've got my head spinning
I don't know where to go from here

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

There's something about you now
I can't quite figure out
Everything she does is beautiful
Everything she does is right

Cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to lose
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you
and me and all of the people with nothing to do
Nothing to prove
And it's you and me and all of the people
And I don't know why, I can't keep my eyes off of you

What day is it?
And in what month?
This clock never seemed so alive

Your time is gonna come Phelps

2006-03-25T12:35:00.000-05:00

phelps, originally uploaded by andebos.

This man introduced me to all the vices I currently love! Mainly, beer, and well, more beer! When Dylan and I first met I radically underestimated just how much his life, friendship, and love would influence every aspect of my life. When we first moved in together I thought what have I gotten myself into...well, actually I thought that more about Kristian! From day one Dylan has always been there, he's never been afraid to tell me how it is, even when we disagree. I respect him for his passion, his desire, his fearlessness to seek after truth and his outrageous pool playing abilities. Several times a week Dyl and I would sneak out to grab a late night drink at the Full Moon in Kville...those are to this day, some of the best talks, pool games, and memories of my life. He's a friend that I am lousy at keeping in touch with but I know that him and I will never lose a step in line with one another, regardless of the distance between us. I'll always be there for him and I know he'll always be there for me...I don't know that this song encompasses our friendship but he played it for me one time in the car and to this day I love it. I imagine we listened to this after experiences some trouble with girls, probably grabbed a beer while listening to it too - what a guy! Love ya man

Your Time Is Gonna Come
Lyin', cheatin', hurtin, that's all you seem to do.
Messin' around with every guy in town,
Puttin' me down for thinkin' of someone new.
Always the same, playin' your game,
Drive me insane, troubles gonna come to you,
One of these days and it won't be long,
You'll look for me, and, baby, I'll be gone.

Your Time Is Gonna Come
Your Time Is Gonna Come
Your Time Is Gonna Come
Your Time Is Gonna Come

Made up my mind to break you this time,
Won't be so fine, it's my turn to cry.
Do want you want, I won't take the brunt.
It's fadin' away, can't feel you anymore.
Don't care what you say 'cause I'm gone away to stay,
Gonna make you pay for this great big hole in my heart.
People talkin' all around,
Watch out woman, no longer is
The joke gonna be in my heart.

You been bad to me woman,
But it's coming back home to you.

Your Time Is Gonna Come
Your Time Is Gonna Come
Your Time Is Gonna Come
Your Time Is Gonna Come

Last days of college

2006-03-23T23:27:00.000-05:00

thecrew, originally uploaded by andebos.

My last year of college was spent mostly watching and living through this show...obsession isn't a strong enough word, it was a way of life in that last year. Anyone who knows me has a clear understanding of how much I love this show - still awaiting the last season to come out on DVD. I don't want to wait but what can you do? Everytime I hear this song, see the show, or think about the themes it takes me back to college which stirs more memories than I could possibly unpack in this little excerpt. If you want to get close to me, just bring up this show in conversation, schedule a time to watch, or hum this song...terrific, reliable, and always good for a bit of nostalgia

I Don't Want To Wait
So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for I
You know that if we are to stay alive
And see the peace in every eye...

She had two babies, one was six months, one was three
In the war of '44...
Every telephone ring, every heartbeat stinging
When she thought it was God calling her
Oh, would her son grow to know his father?

I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,
I want to know right now what will it be
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,
Will it be yes or will it be...sorry?

He showed up all wet on the rainy front step
Wearing shrapnel in his skin
And the war he saw lives inside him still,
It's so hard to be gentle at war
The years pass by and now he has granddaughters

So you look at me from across the room
Your wearing you're anguish again
Believe me I know the feeling
It sucks you into the jaws of anger

So you look at me a little more deeply
All we have is this very moment
And I don't want to do what his father, and his father, and his father did
I wanna be here now

I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,
I want to know right now what will it be
I don't want to wait for our lives to be over,
Will it be yes or will it be...sorry?

So open up your morning light,
And say a little prayer for I
You know that if we are to stay alive
And see the peace in every eye...

'Nough Said

2006-03-23T18:39:00.000-05:00

smiling, originally uploaded by andebos.

We've been through a lot you and I, get togethers and breakups, highschool and college, kansas city and boston...there is surely more to come in our lives. Will we get married like all the spectators think? We'll keep 'em guessing but something tells me that as long as I keep the following attitude we'll always be friends...even if you don't make it on a visit to boston. Oh, and you're a dork! Everyone knows our history, they all know we're best friends, 'nough said, so without further ado, here's our song

Just To See You Smile
You always had an eye for things that glittered
But I was far from bein' made of gold
I don't know how but I scraped up the money
I just never could quite tell you no
Just like when you were leavin' Amarillo
Takin?that new job in Tennessee
And I quit mine so we could be together
I can't forget the way you looked at me

Just to see you smile
I'd do anything
That you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

When you said time was all you really needed
I walked away and let you have your space
Cuz leavin' didn't hurt me near as badly
As the tears I saw rollin' down your face
And yesterday I knew just what you wanted
When you came walkin' up to me with him
So I told you that I was happy for you
And given the chance I? lie again

Just to see you smile
I'd do anything
That you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
It's worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

I'd do anything
That you wanted me to
When all is said and done
I'd never count the cost
I'ts worth all that's lost
Just to see you smile

Blind Man

2006-03-22T22:11:00.000-05:00

blindman, originally uploaded by andebos.

As I couldn't seem to get the song Sameway out of my head the other day and seeing how the pipes kept banging last night, keeping me awake to give me this brilliant idea - I have decided to spend the next week or so blogging about nothing but the soundtrack of my life. This little adventure has no beginning, no end, no middle, no rhyme, and certainly no reason. As it is well put in Alice's world, "Oh, you can't help that . . .we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." What a great way to put it. For my first little post, oh and in my madness I might have forgotten to mention the rules, at least as they exist tonight, tomorrow, well it's my game and one rule is rules change. I figure I'll slowly make my way through my itunes list and songs that have special signifigance will get posted with or without a story. This first one is dedicated to my friend Searcy. This was a song we both listened to for a long time after some heartbreaks in high school. I recall driving around way too fast, listening to music way too loud, and just living life way too much. What great times, from the gunclick at the beginning to the classic Aerosmith fade out - nothing but pure adrenaline! Here's to old heartbreaks from high school, hope youre doing well and until this summer my friend, I'll be cranking this beat with the sunroof down in the city of blinding lights!

Blind Man by Aerosmith
I took a course in hallelujah
I went to night school for the blues
I took some stuff they said would cool ya
but nothing seemed to light my fuse
but it's all in the past
like a check that's in the mail
she was a tall whiskey glass
I was an old hound dog that just loved to chase his tail
until I met a blind man
who taught me how to see
a blind man
who could change night into day
and if I can
I'm gonna make you come with me
because here comes the sun and we'll be chasing all the cloudsaway

I've had some lovers like a joy ride
some things are never what they seem
my heaven's turned into a landslide
I thank God I woke up from the dream
because here comes the sun and we'll be chasing all the clouds
the way bees chase honey
and drink all the flowers dry
we'll be saving us a little money
and if that don't do it, yeah, I know the reason why
don't make no sense lightin' candles
there's too much moonlight in our eyes
because here comes the sun
ain't no surprise
ain't no doubt about it
gonna open up your eyes

Yesterdays

2006-03-21T10:48:00.000-05:00

sameway, originally uploaded by andebos.

So many changes, it's not the way things used to be. Seems now the bread of life is not so sweet. Life's not what it used to be, but then neither are we.

Stop denying that our yesterdays aren't dead. Time had its way with us, I know you feel the same way. And I'll stop living for all those might have beens, it's time to move on and I know you feel the same way. It took some time out for me to grow into myself. A smaller house on a bigger street. I'm waking up to my world to find new dreams.

Stop denying that our yesterdays aren't dead. Time had its way with us, I know you feel the same way. And I'll stop living for all those might have beens, it's time to move on and I know you feel the same way. Only one thing will never change, only one thing will never change, only one thing will never change, never change, oh his name...Only you, can set me free, only you, can set me free, only you, can set me free, only you, can set me free!

Stop denying that our yesterdays aren't dead. Time had its way with us, I know you feel the same way. And I'll stop living for all those might have beens, it's time to move on and I know you feel the same way. Stop denying that our yesterdays aren't dead. Time had its way with us, I know you feel the same way. And I'll stop living for all those might have beens, it's time to move on and I know you feel the same way. Same way, Same way, Same way, Same way, Same way, Same way, Same way Same way, Same way...some things will never change - and I know you feel the same way!

I know YOU feel the SAME WAY!!!

Half Marathon

2006-03-12T23:34:00.000-05:00

Half Marathon, originally uploaded by andebos.

It is finished, more to come but my pace was 9:20 with a completed finish time of 2 hours and 2 minutes. Decent, for no training, next time we'll see if I can up my game. My legs feel like lead...I'm no longer twenty two but I feel pretty decent, and I desperately wish I had tomorrow off, but back to the grind stone!

Half Marathon

2006-03-05T14:33:00.000-05:00

marathon, originally uploaded by andebos.

This is a post where I definitely want comments...from those of you who are constant commenters to those of you who check and have never made your presence knows, feel free to comment under other if you don't feel like throwing a name out. I have an issue about running that I need some counsel upon.

This upcoming Saturday I have registered to run in a half marathon in Boston. I'm sure the weather will be fine and I plan on getting some new shoes early this week and try to break them in...but here's the two issues, first is shoes - second is the actual running. When I was 22 or so I picked up and ran a 7mile race without much problem. Also, in decent time. However, I was twenty two...I haven't trained at all for this thing, other than what running I put in this week and I've never ran that far before. So, those of you who know me, do you think I can pick up and run 13miles or not? Second, what's your thoughts on shoes? My new balances are horrible and if I wear them I'm guaranteed a blister...Marathon sports tests you for the perfect shoe, but if I get them this last - can I break them in enough?

thoughts please...let me know if I can do this, one way or another I'm going to do it, so maybe the question is, how much pain will I endure? Jack Bauer could do it I bet

MK's Birthday

2006-03-05T13:50:00.000-05:00

Purple Palace, originally uploaded by andebos.

It was quite the birthday soiree last night. As far as I know there were between five and eight people with birthdays happening, crazy huh? Various groups went to various places throughout the evening and then everyone merged at Jillian's later on...It was a fun night, dinner at Vinny T's with the group I was with, and then Jillian's later on where several of us sat around and asked questions for us to answer. More of a coffee shop conversation than a bar conversation but, hey, that works too. Questions ranged from "best roommate and why?" to "what makes you most content?" It was a fun game. I have to tell this story though because it rather frustrates me. We were going to go out with a fellow, I'd never met him, who was in from out of town. I hear he recently got engaged and had put together quite the engagement event. On his birthday his new fiance had planned nothing. Now, that would certainly make me upset...at least she could plan a nice night for the two of us. That's not the part that frustrates me...so here is that part. Upon hearing about the fiance planning nothing his friend put together a bunch of people. He didn't like this idea because the group wasn't his friends, and he got very upset at his buddy for planning something so off focused of himself. Without names I don't know if that's very clear but bottom line is this, if you're upset with someone, you need to work hard not to take it out on someone else in their place. Okay, soap box is done - It was a great evening and I'm tired today so I'm gonna go hop on wrapping up my grades and lesson plans! Another manic sunday...or something like that.