Forever Walking On

onlooking, originally uploaded by andebos.

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."

Dreams, what can one say about dreams? Myself, I'm a dreamer. Most nights I dream. Often, various elements from one dream carry on into another dream. Many times it's the exact same dream with a shift in small, minute, details. On very rare occasions, I recall a dream, ever so slighlty - the details I remember are typically very insignificant but sure enough, years later, that dream actually takes place. I guess you could call that experience deja vu but I rarely have the sensation of experiencing that moment in repeat, rather, it's a feeling of dreaming this moment prior to its experience. This week, my dreams have been filled again and again with experiences I can hardly explain...I seek deeper to discover the truth and purpose of the stories set before my mind's eye each evening. While I seek, the rhythms of a steady fan and the coolness of outwardly frosted walls guide me upon my journey.

Last year several friends gave me a leather bound journal to track my best and worst days from the dialogue within City Slickers, you can look that one up. Anyway, the journal has since become a record of dreams...no not the I want to do this or that - but actual dreams. That being said, I have skipped my dream of last week with the thought of blogging it here. Many of the details, as usual, have already dripped away in my procrastination, but below is what I recall.

Here I am again, this is looking vaguely familiar - a turn leading to what appears a winding road travelling considerably downward. If I pass by the turn there appears nothing but barren land oddly resembling that of a forgotten highway in my youth. Whether by choice or destiny I turn into the winding road...but what's this? A face before me. This face I have not seen since college though her name has hit my ears numerous times and the shadow of her presence in discussions of long ago but mentioned very recently. It is Kate, her neighbor, a foreshadowing? Perhaps just a coincidence. Our cars nearly collide and as we emerge from our doors I view the same Kate smile, hear the same Kate laugh, and feel the same Kate warmth I remember from our short years together. Why am I here? Why is she here? Through a short discussion it is apparent she is merely lost while my business here involves meeting with a team from work. We part ways and I drive on...the images get blurry and now my surroundings are within a raised house in the same city. Pictures line the walls and I now see it, the glimmer of two, no, three rings placed upon the hands. When and whom did the placing? This information is absent and there is sadness in the realization, I was never told. As the house is empty the pieces are put together only through the images upon the wall, holding three of the same people and three of the same rings, two that hold the brightness of the sun and the other flat and metallic covering much of the finger almost like plating or armor. After some time the story has become evidently clear...I was left out but I find myself reasonably understanding and calm. A noise, a movement, they are here...no, he is here. Again, the images get blurry but I recall his face from her recent profile - bizarre, perhaps her new fiance's face is in this dream as her's because they lived together once, that's the only connection I can make. The images blur and I cannot recall our interaction but an overwhelming sense of peace enters my heart, almost a feeling of happiness knowing he is the provider and lover. Another rustle, a noise, a movement, she arrives. Yet, as I behold I come to see it is not her - and as the conversation continues I realize that he is not hers, but rather, he is hers. New emotions set in, feelings of sadness, sorrow of the emptiness she felt all these years, and perhaps a feeling of hope or rememberance to what once was. She now arrives and the dream's blurs continue. At this point things faze out and I recall very little except emotions. Over the next few days the dream would create many feelings within me until reality set back in. For it is my belief that dreams reveal much, but it is does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.

If you can understand any of this then you must have ears to hear and a heart ready to listen. To the long lost I offer this, times were good when they were in season and that season will never be upon us again...rather than long for a season that never returns, let us cherish in the memory of a time that shall never die.