Headed In 'Two' Many Directions

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Originally uploaded by andebos.

There are bills to pay, spaces to clean, books to read, laundry to wash, schools to apply, flights to book, walks to take, thoughts to think, dreams to dream, memories to reflect upon, people to meet, discussions to have, prayers to pray, experiences to try, heartbreak to move past, love to enjoy, and most of all...a "life" to live. What in the world is this thing we are operating within? Why do I feel a piece of the machine rather than a person as part of a community? Not all the time, but on a Monday evening when I think about returning to work and the "real world" tomorrow - I feel...for lack of a better word, depressed. Is this the life we were meant to live? I enjoy my life, I love my family and friends - like my job...and yet, there is this bizzare, unnerving feeling that something is not right. Go figure my name is Mr. Anderson and I've got the feeling of something beyond all this pish posh. Today was an amazing day. It finally felt like Spring, the twitterpated feeling is in the air. I spent most of my day travelling the streets with my windows down and the sunroof open, just living and thinking. I have thoughts too many. What is beyond the horizon in my future? Who will meet me on this road I'm travelling? Will I stay here...will I go? Is it nuts to leave such a life...the potential of such a community - or is it the calling and desire of my heart? I truly hope there is reward for being the person that fights for relationship...and yet I give it up all the time. Basically, I think I'm tired tonight and just missing old friends to chat with. Overall though, I've got an excellent life and future ahead of me. As in this picture there's a glow in the road ahead. I hope all can join in me in this trip - most importantly, I hope Christ will meet me there...even if I'm taking the wrong road. Because, God, you know I have before - I pray you'll meet me there. Thanks for chasing after me all along, even though I run, and run hard.

I think the issue here, and in most of our lives, is whether I'm going to live a life devoted to Christ, and the faith he produces in me, or a life that lives in fear and death. I have lived a life pursuing death so long...it's time to start pursuing a life based on Christ. I'm tired of being pulled in these two directions - I'm making a choice for the journey from this day forward. As wild as it may be...we can only see, and it can only end in the fulfillment of a promise, even if every single promise on earth ends in heartache. For the first time in a long time, I am not concerned with the way things turn out. Where I end up, who ends up with who, how it ends in the finale. My life is real and I'm concerned with the journey. That my life is a journey, and one that is authentic for once. Every journey begins with a step forward...and letting go of the ties of the past. I'm releasing the power of the past, to embrace the potential of the future path ahead of me. "Interesting that people use that expression life and death. As if to imply that life is the opposite of death. Birth is the opposite of death. Life...has no opposite."