Thoughts on Suffering and Settling

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Originally uploaded by andebos.

"We are not necessarily doubting that God will do the best for us; we are wondering how painful the best will turn out to be."
C. S. Lewis, 1898-1963

Over the past several years I have heard something to the effect of "I refuse to settle." This is said in regards to jobs, choices in life, and friendships. Mostly though, it is said in terms of romantic relationships...and I'm sure we've all either said it, thought it, or heard it before - whether in life or a movie, but most likely in our real lives. (Not the fake ones we live through on the tube...though I believe that sets many of our beliefs and ideals in this space of our hearts) Well, I've thought a lot about suffering and settling lately. I've come to the conclusion that refusing to settle - doesn't mean we are sidestepping suffering. I guess what I believe now is that when I say, "I refuse to settle" I am actually saying - God, I know what's best for my life...and my feelings tell me that what's going on is not the best for me - because I feel like I'm settling. (let's be honest, in relationships, most of us live off our feelings more than other things- I would dare say the words we believe God is saying are guided a lot by our own selfish feelings). I hope many of you disagree - I want to reach a place where I'm no longer afraid to be wrong...or take chances or question my deepest held beliefs. When I look at the life of Christ, Peter, Paul, and people in my daily life who refuse to live a life undevoted to God - I see someone who isn't concerned about settling. Rather, what I see is someone willing to go through suffering for the sake of Christ. They have neither the time, or the pride, to consider their own life and if they are settling for second best. However, in my own life I have constantly discussed how I don't want to settle for someone. After some reflection I don't see how that is pursuing God's aim - In Hosea God commands the marriage of Hosea to an adultressess - what sense does that make? none, and yet God shows his unfailing love through the suffering and humiliation of Hosea. Hosea was not concerned with settling...he was concerned with obedience. I find it hard to believe, from the Gospels and my sheer humanity, that Christ desired death on a cross...but what he desired was obedience. In our earthly eyes I worry that what we see as settling God sees as Glorious and eternal. Perhaps, we are so concerned with our own welfare and happiness that we totally miss the eternal joy and smiles God has prepared for us in heaven...perhaps our lack of settling now is actually causing us to settle later. These are tough things I've considered and I realize it sounds absolutely bizzare. Who would want to settle for someone second best, or that we aren't attracted to, or don't have feelings for...or who knows what - point being, who wants to settle? Not me. But I am asking myself - do I have more value in not settling or obedience? Tough one to answer. Just be sure that in your desire to "not settle" that you aren't missing an eternal Glory where God is using you as the primary player. I fear that the whole "don't want to settle" phenomenon is just a TV, pride induced, selfish lie to keep us from hearing the true word and passing of Christ in our midst. Keep careful watch...for ye know not when the master of the house cometh ... Mark 13:35. I honestly do not believe God has a desire for us to settle in any area of our lives. But the difference is the perspective of settling and whose interests we have in mind. I think there is a high probability that if we are living in Christ we will experience suffering - infact we will share in his. It's strange, why would God want someone to be mistreated, hurt, settle? I can't answer that - but I know this...God is a mysterious God, a challenging God - and what I, or others, believe is my best...may be far from the suffering God has intended to bring me closer to Him. My goal in life, including relationships, is not to avoid settling or suffering, but to Glorify my creator and be an ambassador as he brings forth His Kingdom around my life.

On the opposite side - do realize when you are settling for your own best, or lack there of (emotions play dangerous games)...when God has so much more for your story and His.