Visiting With Old Friends

walkingfriends
Originally uploaded by andebos.

In preparing to leave for Boston, I thought I would become more sad than I am currently. I figured a sense of sentimentality would set forth...but not so much. Perhaps this is because everyone is just a phone call away, and really, moving along is the way life goes. If I try to fight it and make things the way they were, I'll only find myself fighting a losing battle. We can't go back in time and make things the way they were and even if we could, we wouldn't be satisfied. I think things that develop organically are what bring us the most hapiness - the things that happen on their own and not from our design. Anyway, this week I went by to visit with an old friend. Even though I've only known her for about five years, I feel like I have known her much longer.

I drove over and visited with Glenda Hampton, Annie's mother. I had forgotten just how easily her and I talk, though we see eye to eye on most things...its easiest to talk to people you've got a lot of things in common with! However, we do disagree on some issues pertaining to bioethics, though if I was in her position (which she admits that she's biased) I might have her desires as well. I think when it comes down to it really, she has her opinion more for her daughters sake than her own.
It was good to see her. Even though I don't see her very often she will be missed like so many others. It's always an interesting dilemna, not one many people can offer advice on, can you stay friends with your ex-fiance's mother? Your ex-mother in law? Man, there's a point where I just sit back and laugh at this whole thing, what an experience...not sure if I'd do it again, but it was an experience! Glenda and I discussed relationships of course, and marriage ideas...we both rather enjoy talking relationships - so that's where we dialogue. She had so many intriquing things to say, many which have left me pondering - and I think for us young single folks, it is so important to ask people who have gone before us about relationships, (something I've always believed) not read books that may or may not relate with our situation. A trap I have fallen into because everyone says to do so. Tim has a great bit of advice about relationships that I will forever remember, "Feeling in love is a terrible reason to get married, but wanting to learn how to love someone...is a great reason." Makes so much sense. I realized that feelings are terrific, but for me its more of a decision. Once I've moved on, why have I moved on forever? Its all about the decision in my head. When I decide to love somone, relationship speaking, for whatever reason (I make this decision and I don't think I realize I have) that is the person who my love remains on. Now, you may argue, yes but you've loved many women...sure its not switching? I would say no, the reason I have loved many women the same way is because the previous person didn't love me or wasn't willing ot return my love. Basically I had no choice but to move on. When that new person comes along, a new decision is made and the other person, who I'll always love in a sense, doesn't have that decision to love anymore. Love in the terms of marriage is a decision. Unconditional love can't be feeling based - it will fail...it must be decision based, and from there we can learn to love more and more. So perhaps the question is not do I feel in love but rather can/do I have a desire to learn to love this person? Look for someone you want to learn to love more and more not someone you feel in love with. If those feelings come, awesome, if not - learn to love, they will and they'll go and they'll return. Finding someone that you want to learn to love is the key. Remember though - marriage is not the goal, living faithful to Chirst is the goal...so glad to finally hear that the other night in church. Marriage is just another place to be faithful, just like singleness...whatever context you find yourself - the goal is to learn to love more and more, not try to make someone make us feel a certain way. One is selfish wanting what we want, one is unconditional love wanting what's best for the other person - one is feeling based, one is love based...you figure it out.

There is a question that lies before me now. In two weeks I will know the answer I have decided. I think the best answer and the one I want is "no." Some of you know this question, the rest of you can surely figure it out if you ponder a moment.

"I let go of a lover that took a piece of my heart, I prayed many times for forgiveness and a brand new start...I've read a lot of books, Wrote a few songs, Looked at my life where it's goin, where it's gone. I've seen the world through a bus windshield, but nothing compares, To the way that I see it, to the way that I see it, to the way that I see it when I sit in that old blue chair."