I want to Live Forever
Two on Too Running to Blue
Yesterday I got to have meals with several great friends. The first was Kurt and Ruth...we spent a large majority of our time discussing Harry Potter and I now have in my possession the 6th book, thanks to Kurt! He traded me the book for a simple drink for him and his wife at Starbucks - what a deal, now I just have to finish numero four. Not too long afterward I had dinner with the Beege. Hmm, could she have put me on a harder road with higher expectations? I doubt it. But, I'm thankful for you my friend - you put into words the muffled yells out of that glass (behind the door of my heart) that I was ignoring, and you brought to light the dreams that haunt my thoughts and hopes at night. Hopefully, those will end soon. I'll be driving to Minnesota tomorrow and Beege challenged me to use that time to really search inside myself and confront the things I haven't dealt with...for myself and for God. The hardest thing to hear was the fact that I didn't really have my own faith - at best, it has slowly diminished into a fake one to lie to myself. I'm not sure at what point along this journey I lost it...but I realized that all I have is a white washed copy of the original. However, here is the exciting news: I never really lost my faith, but I did lose myself and God - I've slowly seen glimpses and visions of them this year, and now, I get to fully discover them and leave behind the whitewashed rags I thought were so precious to me for the past year. One of my greatest flaws is loving the silver instead of the gold - and in the process, incredibly hurting the silver. Now, I have the chance to teach myself to search for the gold. That's exciting news because I'll finally get to put into practice the things I've failed at before - I'll quit grasping at people to fulfill me and start searching out the inner voice that I'm scared to hear. It's scary to repeat what the voice has to say to others...but, It's even more hilarious how scared each of us is to hear these three little words: I, Love, YOU. Simple, plain, and yet, life changing. As much as I wanted to - loving and receiving love, an impossible effort in my past since I didn't know that inward love. But perhaps, it's time to start allowing myself to be loved, so that, I can begin loving others - even when they hurt me the most...I can then, truly, love them
posted by andebos at 10:17 AM
6 Comments:
I love you, for sure. oxoxoxo (heh heh heh)
And FYI, you spell her name "Beej" or "BeeJay." Don't be swayed by the fact that Ortrie spells it with a "g."
Have a good journey to Minnesota, and a safe move to Boston.
Don't stay gone forever.
I love you also Tyler, you are an awesome person, friend, and cousin. I hope the trip to Minnesota goes well, and I can't wait to see you before you leave for Boston. I was talking to David Pritchard tonight after work (went to his dad's memorial service today), he has been a friend of my dad's since childhood and lives in Boston now with his family. I'll talk to you soon and remember you are always loved!
Your cousin Scott
it turns out i don't love you. i do however have plans to have you stuffed one day and use you as an endtable. in the mean time good luck with all that other stuff...
Not sure I really grasp all you are saying here.. but I'm not ever sure!! I do not know how you feel you have lost your God.. How do you think everything that has fallen in place for you in Boston happened... God, YOUR GOD has huge plans for you, hence all of this falling in place. I love you and will miss you so much but know there is a reason for you going to Boston!
love, mom
Yea and God said to Abraham, "You will kill your son Isaac." And Abraham said, "I can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone." And God said, "Oh I'm sorry, Is this better? Check, check, check... Jerry, pull the high end out, I'm still getting some hiss back here." Say something about my mother!! Oh yes, right, well, I never knew biscuit as a dog but I knew her as a table. Steady, all four legs the same length..."...Maybe he's forgotten you!!"
gotta love that
AWESOME! that's good stuff. the only thing you really need to worry about now is finishing up those harry potter books. how's your progress coming?
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