Loving me is a very interesting thing
"Sometimes the heart sees what is invisible to the eye."
-H. Jackson Brown
"Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war, love is a growing up."
-James A. Baldwin
This is a picture of Annie and I at Kristian and Amanda's wedding a little over a year ago. I must say that Annie did look extremely beautiful that evening. I've had this roll of film undeveloped for over a year; I must work on getting pictures developed in a more timely manner. I have decided that Love in my life is a very curious and bizzare thing. I don't really know what to say about it other than it encompasses the words 'confusing' and 'perfect.' We may have more drama than any other relationship, and at the same time more compatability than any other relationship. But you know, I have learned from couples who are married that love is a complicated thing that requires us to fight for it, forgive for it, and forget about ourselves for it...basically love requires love. I feel that married couples can honestly speak about love between a man and a woman from a better position, a position from experience, than those of us that are single. Therefore, their opinion speaks to the difficulties of a relationship more appropriately than my own or my single friends. However, we singles understand love from the viewpoint of relationships in our lives such as the sacrifices for friends, family, and dealing with the pain and forgiveness those relationships require. Our dating relationships give us a slight perspective of married love but I do not believe it gives us the perspective of sacrifice and selflessness to the same extent that marriage can provide. While it is true that one who is dating another person may sacrifice and love more than many married couples; that person cannot say what marriage will require until they are married - I believe a God honoring marriage will always require more than what we give now, even if it's better than all the marriages we see around us as we're dating...but I may be to selfish at this point in my life. It appears to me that my married friends believe in fighting for love at the cost of sacrificing ourselves because that is what marriage requires everyday...I'm a big believer in fighting for love because I know God is fighting for us...so this is my story; my story is about love, patience, hurt, joy, forgiveness, and hope that comes only from God. I have learned that real love's hope must stay focused on God because he is the only place for our trust and security of our identity and love...when the one's we love don't love us back we can continue to love them because we rest secure in God's love for us ...to speak truthfully I must say that the most tangible form of love in my life wraps around my family, friends, and Annie. Though there have been some hard times with her, there have also been some amazing times. Both of these experiences have given me a small taste of the realities of love between two people. Our love for one another has taught me about forgiveness more than any other experience in my life, and how powerful love and forgiveness can truly be in changing a person. Relationship is the only way to experience this kind of love. But you don't have to be married to experience this depth of forgiveness and love...I just think it is a great way to experience it. I know a great friend who was required to forgive two of her best friends more deeply than I could ever imagine...I know she has seen the realities of love in relationship and yet she has never been married. So we all have relationships that change us...for me it has been love between a man and woman which has been my relationship with Annie. I was honored, as always, to hang out with her a couple of times this week. It's tough to know what to think when you go back and forth so much - but you go back and forth only because of fears on one side instead of problems in the relationship. I have never met another person with whom I feel so comfortable, have so much fun, am attracted to more deeply on a spiritual, emotional, and physical level than her...and yet it's just always gone so back and forth it is difficult to know what to think.
It's funny too because I have learned that you almost cross this line with someone, where you love each other so deeply, that your lives will always be connected and guided toward one another. Well, in all this I do know I have had and continue to have fun with this girl everytime I am with her. For that I am thankful and I will continue to love my friend no matter what. Relationships are a great thing...and I am blessed by that one and all the others I share.
posted by andebos at 8:45 PM
7 Comments:
So what in the hell does that mean???
Please, you'll have to be more specific with your questions. What does what mean?
My friend...I know that didn't clarify it perfectly, it's late at night, but I heard your opinion and I have to this conclusion: we are both right and we are both wrong. Only time will tell. But as always, I respect your opinion and I hope my additions have made things a bit clearer - but even if it doesn't, you and I will always have differences of opinion...that's what makes all uf us great friends!!! hope you have a great day - it was great to talk with you
-Ty
The revision is good. Good work, good work. :) It was good talking to you too and I'm glad you called back. I was about 2 seconds from calling you again and leaving another message anyway. I hope you have a great day and I am looking forward to when we can live in the same town and hang out! (Or live together, whatever.) :)
I was kind of offended by what you had to say. It made me feel like since I'm single what I have to say doesn't mean anything. So if I were to give advice it should be to not listen to me and go talk to your married friends. Especially since us single peeps don't really know what love is.
I don't believe I ever said that single folks do not know what love is...you may have read it in that way. What I am saying is that us single folks cannot securely say what degree of love marriage requires. Now you may love someone you are dating better than half of the relationships that end in divorce...however, marriage requires more of us than dating to make it be as equivalently good as dating - otherwise it is doomed to end. Therefore if you really want to talk about the sacrifices you are prepared to make you cannot until you are there and faced with the decision to actually live up to what you believe you will do. from a single perspective we like to talk about how great we are at love and how relationships should be this or that...however we have not had the experience to back it up yet. All I am saying is that the married folks I know now have the experience to say marriage requires this and I have done it. From my single life I may know what marriage requires from a theoretical point, that is to say I can tell you, but I cannot live it out in a dating relationship to the degree marriage requires. Of course that fits into my Christian view of marriage. Many who date now are living together and doing everything in a marriage - therefore it's tough to say with them. In my post I am specifically addressing the type of love between a man and woman in terms of dating and marriage. We can all know love and its various ways of entering our life...especially if we are in relationship with others ( I don't mean dating or married but in relationship, as in we interact and our lives are deeply interwoven) relationship is the best way to learn about love. And from my experience it seems that the married couples I know have a different perspective on male and female love, in terms of marriage and dating, than my single or dating friends. Basically, I believe because they are no longer in a position where they say they will live this way in their marriage - they must live that way. As singles we may analyze relationships and say we should do this, or they should do that and things would be better (sometimes in not always that easy) married couples seem to have the perspective of it's easier said than done. Get married do it, and then tell others how easy their relationships are to fix. I don't know that this clears things up at all - we all understand and can know love...single or not, but the love that is in definition of marriage (between a man and woman that encompasses more than just plutonic love) seems to be best understood by those that have experienced it to the extreme that God intended, marriage. There are exceptions of course...I am just speaking from my opinion. Finally I have two statement, please, if you feel comfortable, leave me your name when you post and second consider this - your comment seemed awfully defensive...human nature naturally gets defensive when someone touches something that we know is true but don't want to admit or we know is absolutely wrong and won't give up our principles...and then there's an area of grey where things et complicated. Did I hit a point where maybe you know this could be accurate but won't admit it because it puts you outside of the group that can speak from experience?
Ananymous Writer~
A few more things...first I never meant to offend you, I have no idea where your life has come from or the degrees of love you have shared. All I know is from the experiences I have seen. And, as I am coming to see more friends get married it appears their perspectives change on a lot of things - especially relationships. Many things they never thought about and many things they did have come present in reality different than their imaginations or expectations led them to believe. I predict my experience will be much the same. And as I am comfronted with relationship advice I, on average, would say that my advice is not as valid as my married friends...not in all cases but when you are discussing many of the trials of intense love relationships - my married friends seem to have a more accurate viewpoint of what is required to make the clock go ding, lousy analogy i know. Forgive me if I offended you, that was never my intent - I just wanted to tell a story, my story...and hopefully through that reach you and arrive at some connection - at least through all this, we see some of the pains of relationship along with the glory of understanding and forgiveness...and that is the authentic life GBlessU
Have a terrific day my friend,
-Ty
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