Forgiveness; giving up all hope of a better past

Forgiveness
Originally uploaded by andebos.

Going to Jacob's Well about two weeks was a monumental change in my inner heart and the view of my past story. More than anything, it affected me in a way where I knew that God was the one initiating the touch.

Let me share several some of the things that were said. We discussed Mark 2 about Jesus healing the paralytic. One thing I never really noticed before was the fact that it was most likely Jesus' roof being destroyed. Tim discussed the power of just listening to the congregation during worship and letting their worship and faith encourage and affect our own. Sometimes we reach points in our lives where our faith can no longer carry us...where the only thing that can help us is the faith of those around us. Have you ever arrived at that point? where you don't even want to crawl out of bed, where your faith is shot? where you feel powerless to do anything but at the same time you think you must. What's more, you feel like somehow, if you only keep trying and pushing, maybe something will change - but here's the truth. You can't do it! Stop trying to change things...unfortunately there is nothing you can do to help yourself, your faith is where it's at and nothings going to change, you trying to help is only making it worse. This is the point where God will use the faith of those around you to help you rise again. In the meantime you cry alone on your bed at night...saying, "please God...don't forget about me. Don't leave me alone one more day." This is the most fortunate place your soul can be - because you're in a place where God will reach down from heaven and rescue you.

The other topic we discussed was forgiveness and Tim gave several moving quotes and ideas that I found fabulous. Forgivess is a very challenging concept because it is very costly. It costs us our pride and puts us in a position to pardon that person and leave them to God. I seldom want to do that. I want to feel right, just, and that I will put forth the vengeance to make thinge even. However, the reverse typically happens and I find my heart being more hurt. Another thought, which took me a while to grasp in practicality was this, "Firgiveness is so difficult and costly...so much so that it usually costs us to settle for 2nd best." After some thought on this idea I realized that it fits very well with relationships. Here is an example:

Ii have a terrific friend (best friend) that offends me - rather than forgive them and reconcile the relationship - thus gaining the benefits and encouragement that relationship has on my faith...I choose to settle for another friend who is not quite as good of a friend, of as much of an encourager to my faith. However, this friend doesn't hurt me in the same way. I've got a friend that doesn't hurt me but I can't gain all the benefits of the original friend because I don't want to forgive. That is just one example. Very interesting to me.
The third idea which really affected me came froma quote by Helmut Thielicke. It is about my own feelings of justice...

This business of forgiving is by no means a simple thing. We say, "Very well, if the other fellow is sorry and begs my pardon, I will forgive him, I'll give in." We make of forgiveness a law of reciprocity. And this never works. For then both of us say to ourselves, "The other fellow has to make the first move." 

And then I watch like a hawk to see whether the other person will flash a signal to me with his eyes or whether I can detect some small hint between the lines of his letter which shows that he is sorry. I am always on the point of forgiving, but I never forgive. I am far too just. 

Who do you need to forgive? Who do you need to be forgive by? What holds you back from this forgiveness inside you?

"It don't matter to the sun, If you go or if you stay. I know the sun is gonna rise, Shine down on another day. There will still be a tomorrow, Even if you choose to leave
'Cause it don't matter to the sun...but it matters to me."